Thoughts of death

part two: Missing her

They tell you not to be scared when you are taking your last breath., when you are on your DEATH BED they tell you it's gonna be okay,... How is it okay? It's not! to tell you the truth your family tells you this so you won't scared ...they tell you this to make them selfs feel Better ..... it Is their way of dealing with you dying ... Yes, as the person dying we have fears but, it's to late for us to freak out . So what about the people
experiencing the lost of a loved one?... some go into a depressed state. Some just grieve a few days an they are fine. but others like myself never get over it you see we don't continuously grieve over and over again . we get over the fact they died but, we also might have regrets. My grandmother passed away the morning of november 11, 2014 I was going to go see her after school that day but, I got in the car with my cousin and he told the news I thought he was joking I couldn't believe it .... I wouldn't believe it ! it's been a few months or so and I miss her more and more each day I have regrets I wish I could have talked to her one more time and bring her some bright color stuff (she said her room was sad looking. btw she has been bed ridden since December of 2013 ) and also I wanted to tell her one last time that I loved her but some times it's to late to say things But the entire time she has been sick I was strong for her and one day everyone was outside and it was just me and her I was sitting in a chair beside her hospital bed in her house and she was asleep from the medicine I knew she couldn't hear me but I talked to her I told her that it's okay I told her she was gonna get better and I was going to take care of her and that no matter what happens that you still will be my grandmother and I'll still come
Talk to you . Now my point to this is she was on her death bed not once did I tell "don't be scared" because I knew she wasn't but everyone else did I felt like they were sugar coating it she wasn't going to be okay she was dying and she knew it see I knew that's not what she wanted . Her funeral was sad I fell like it was hardest for me that's my opinion though I wrote her a letter and laid it in her casket what was in it was going with her body and was never to be spoken of again I loved her like my mom she was my best friend it's hard not to tell her the things that are going on ...... I'm sorry for writing this but I had to even though I'm crying typing it this needs to be out if my head
I miss her calling me baby girl since I'm the youngest grand daughter
P.s please excuses my grammar and writing skills