And the willow whispered a quiet shut the f**k up

1

Hoseok's entire body fidgets, twitchy and restless. His head swims dizzyingly as he sits on the living room sofa, the bright lights of a studio still burning in the back of his mind, still hearing the screams and his own quiet words whispered to his reflection.

Smile for the camera, J-Hope.

He's central to the atmosphere of everything they do and he knows that. Everyone knows. There's no room for tired Hoseok or distracted Hoseok or even pensive Hoseok. He needs to be J-Hope, smiling J-Hope, funny J-Hope, fully of energy and charisma even on the worst of days.

So he pushes himself, hard, until he's in so deep he can't tell where the act stops. "Hey, you alright?" he hears quietly, and turns to see Jimin, emerging from his shower, the last one to get ready for bed today. He looks tired and cozy in his bathrobe, cheeks pinked with heat. "You look kind of on edge."

Hoseok throws a smile at Jimin that feels plastic, bright like the ones he gives in front of the cameras. "I'm fine," he forces. The drowsy look in Jimin's eyes, relaxed and happy, makes Hoseok's stomach boil with jealousy. He stops himself, startled at his own anger because Jimin is his friend. "Maybe I'm a little on edge," he admits quietly. Jimin sits by him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You did really well in the interview today, hyung. But don't you think you're working yourself too hard?" he asks, a bit wary.

Hoseok tries another smile, aiming for something more genuine. "Don't worry, Jimin, it's what the fans deserve, right? I just have a bit of..." he pauses, stuck. Saying the word trouble makes it sound like a problem. Jimin's thumb rubs absently at his shoulder, subtly encouraging. Hoseok continues, "It's just kind of... hard to calm back down after being so pumped up for the show." It's so much of an understatement he almost laughs. He feels like he's going to die.

Jimin nibbles at his bottom lip. He's exhausted, Hoseok can tell, and he's thankful because otherwise Jimin might have put up more of a fight. Hoseok waits a beat before he hears Jimin sigh and mumble, "If you're sure you'll be okay, Hobi-hyung." Hoseok nods furiously. "I'll be okay. I am okay," he assures Jimin, trying to sound confident. Jimin pauses again and he starts a bit more hesitantly, "You know, when I get stressed, not that I'm saying you're stressed, just... I like to go talk to Yoongi-hyung. He's so laid back, you know. Being around him makes it so much easier to relax." Hoseok considers this, feeling a subtle wash of gratitude surround him. Jimin is always so thoughtful; he doesn't know why he's trying to keep things from the younger boy. "Thank you, Jimin. I'll keep that in mind. Just get some rest, alright?" Jimin smiles sleepily and pats Hoseok's shoulder a bit, leaving with a quiet night hyung.

Hoseok sits on the couch for another few minutes, trying to convince himself that he's okay, that he can handle this, that he's not stuck in stage mode. It's a twisted game of trying to pretend he's in control when he knows he isn't. He just can't settle down, and with a start he notices his whole body is shaking. He tries to hold his body still, muscles burning with the urge to shake, to tense up, and his lungs are gulping in air so fast that it takes him another few seconds to realize he's halfway to a scream.Hoseok closes his eyes and exhales, shoulders falling tiredly. Maybe he should see Yoongi. Hoseok walks with shaky legs towards their little studio, energy buzzing under his skin. He pushes open the door and clears his throat quietly.

Yoongi raised his head from his position in front of the computer, looking back to the door curiously before acknowledging Hoseok with a little hum and turning to his work again. Hoseok rolled up a chair to where Yoongi was fiddling with his latest project, a slower tune that isn't quite as melancholy and sensual as House of Cards. "Something you wanna work on?" Yoongi asked, glancing over as Hoseok sat down next to him. Hoseok doesn't come in as often as Namjoon or Yoongi, usually only when he's got something really good or they're all working on a big track together. Hoseok only attempts another smile and shakes his head.