I wish, I want, I feel

warning: the edge

I wish I knew how to express how I really feel.

About how the world around me is turning teal.

Sometimes I wish that car had struck me.

That I landed on that spike or had that log crush me.

I wish I didn't feel lonely like I do.

I wish my emotions were more see through.

I wish I didn't hurt so much.

That feeling so depressed and lonely didn't put me on a crutch.

I wish I knew how to meet someone.

A girl who wouldn't push me to be someone.

I wish others understood why I find it so hard to communicate.

That I don't have the best feeling about my fate.

A girl who would help me fix the now me.

And not try to make a future that we could see.

That future would be in vain.

Because unless I fix myself, I still will only feel the pain.

The feeling of a thousand eons on my shoulder.

And my fiery heart turned into nothing but smolder.

I want to bust a cap in my head.

Just to end this feeling of dread.

But something else still remains.

A fire burning away at the stains.

It tells me to rise and fight.

To rage against the dying light.

It burns with as much power,

As the pain that I felt every hour.

It makes me want to scream and fit.

It makes me feel a lack of patience for this shit.

This rage battles the sadness within.

In an everlong war none will win.

There are no casualties on either side.

Except for me, since I made the mistake of trying to turn the tide.

I don't know who should win.

I feel like existing is a sin.

I just want it to have an end.

Please god let it end.