dawn. (yoonmin)

chapter 2

Ephemeral. Lasting only for a short time. The best things in life tend to be ephemeral. Concerts, bonfires, festivals. Love... well love could be ephemeral. Or I suppose it could be perennial. It's whatever you make of it.

•••

That night, for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep. And so I crept downstairs completely forgetting about Yoongi. As I gazed out the window at the blanket of stars against the ebony sky, melodies began slips through the cracks and filling my head. Sharp, precise beats. The sound of passion bursting through the words. Rapping. Someone rapping their very soul into one song.

Around the age of 18, I developed social anxiety
Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

At times I'm scared of myself too
Thanks to the depression that takes over me
And all my self hatred
Min Yoongi is dead already (I killed him)
Comparing my dead passion with others
It's now a part of my daily life

On the first visit to psychiatric ward
My parents came up with me
We listened to the consultation together
My parents said they don't truly understand me
I don't understand myself well either
Then who would understand?
Friends? Or you? Nobody knows me well.

Before I realize, I'm crying. There's just so much pain in those lyrics. My sniffles cause the rapper to open their bedroom door.

"Jimin?" Yoongi asks, eyebrows raised. "Why are you crying?"

"You were rapping right? And you wrote those lyrics?" I ask between breaths.

"Yeah..."

My brain doesn't have time to think before my body rushes forward. I'm hugging Yoongi.

"Hyung, that was so good! But so sad. Were those lyrics real? Like, were they about you?"

He doesn't make eye contact with me, just pulls me in for another hug and nestles his chin on my shoulder.

"Go to bed Jimin."

•••

How did I get in bed? The last thing I remember is Yoongi hugging me.

My mom's out for the day. I suppose I'll stay home and make food like usual. Though this time, I'll probably have to make Yoongi food. I hope he has a strong stomach, all the food I make is awful. All I can cook is instant noodles.

Knock.

"Uh Jimin? You decent?" Yoongi asks.

"Yeah."

He comes in with a plate of waffles.

"I don't know if you like these, but your mom said you can't cook so I thought I'd make the food today."

Thanks mom.

"Uh yeah, thank you so much."

He leaves the room and I notice the strawberries on top have been individually sliced and my waffles are in the shape of a heart. Just like mom makes.

"Thanks Yoongi-hyung!" I yell out the door.

I eat for while before hearing soft rapping from below. I forgot Yoongi's room is right under mine. I put my plate down and rest my ear against the floor.

Habitual saying uh
I don't give a shit I don't give a fuck
All those words uh
Those words are said to hide my weak self
Those days I wish I could erase
Right, that performance day
Which I don't remember very well
The day I confronted myself
When I hid inside the bathroom
Because I was scared of people

It's the same song from yesterday. I guess I'm prone to making bad decisions since I run down the stairs and into his room. He doesn't look happy.

"What do you want Jimin?"

"Hyung why are your lyrics so sad? Have you been rapping for a while? Did you rap back in Daegu? What's this song about?"

"Woah slow down."

"Answer hyung!" I ball my fists up and glare at him. To my dismay, he begins laughing.

"Are you trying to be intimidating? You can't with these mochi cheeks." He chuckles, pinching my face.

"Whatever, now answer."

"Fine. These lyrics are sad because they're about something sad. And no, I'm not telling you what it's about. But I've been rapping for so long, I've lost track. I have an underground rap group with two other guys. Their stage names are RM and J-Hope."

"What's your stage name?"

"Suga."

"Can you rap some more?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeease?"

"Oh my fucking god, FINE."

I smile and jump onto his bed.

That time I, that time I
I thought success would make everything fine
But you see, but you see
As time goes by, I feel like I'm turning into a monster

I've exchanged my youth for success
And that monster demands for more wealth
At times it puts a collar on my neck
To ruin and swallow me with greed
Some try to shut my mouth and say
I should swallow this forbidden fruit
I don't want it
They want me to leave this garden

The smile is quickly wiped off my face, instead becoming an expression of pure awe.

"Uh sorry. That was so bad. I just finished writing this and-"

"Min Yoongi! That was unreal! It was so good. You sound like a professional. You could be an idol!"

"Woah brat, don't forget the honorific. But thank you." He smiles one of those beautiful smiles again and rubs his neck nervously.

"I'm serious hyung. I've never heard better rap in my entire life."

"Your entire life? So what, about 6 years?"

"Hyuuuuuuung."

This time he lets out the cutest laugh I've ever heard. How does a cute laugh come out of bad boy like him?

"How did you know how my mom makes my waffles?"

"...You had them one morning. And you looked so happy when she made them like that. So I thought I'd do the same thing."

"Oh, thank you hyung. Can I ask another question?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Why are you here?"

His smile falls. The atmosphere immediately becomes heavier and I would do anything to bring it back to the way it was.

"Leave Jimin."

"Wait what?"

"I SAID LEAVE." He raises his hand in frustration.

I flinch away. "Fine."

"Wait Jimin-"

I run out of the room.