Unbreakable smile

Chapter 5

Jamie butchers every authentic italian recipe he can google in order to cheer him up. Feliciano picks at the homemade gnocchi, which disintegrates under his fork.

"Don't poke at them," Jamie says and bats his hand.

Feliciano glances out of the kitchen window, where the pine tree sways in the gentle breeze.

    "I just don't understand why she'd stay," he says for the nineteenth time that day.

    "Why did she return in the first place? If what ever happened ten years ago, that you refuse to talk about - which is so stupid at this point, honestly - if it was so bad, why would she return now?"

Feliciano presses at a gnocco until it crumbles.

    "Her grandpa was like... a groundskeeper. Their family have done it for centuries. So her dad or uncle should have been next in line."

    "So why aren't they here? It doesn't make any sense."

It doesn't. Feliciano turns the situation over in his head, but it's like trying to contain water in a cheese grater - there's so many holes that everything leaks all over the place.

    "How did she seem?"

Something in Feliciano's expression makes him backpedal.

"I mean, I take it wasn't a happy reunion, with confettis and stuff but... just." He sighs. "You're Feliciano Pavano. And she was your best friend. Can't you look at her and sense all of her secrets?"

    "Was?" His laugh tastes bitter. "She will always be my best friend."

Jamie frowns.

    "I don't get it. I'm not even going to pretend that I do. I hate to break this to you, but this is not how friends treat each other when they have been apart for a really long time."

As if Feliciano doesn't know. Jamie hesitates, as if one wrong word will trigger him.

    "I get that there's a lot of... history... between you. I have childhood friends too. But... people grow apart, take different paths. Just because your relationship has changed, doesn't take away from what you had."

Everything about Jamie seems to be drooping downward - his eyes, the corners of his mouth, his shoulders. Kind of like the sad looking plant in the kitchen window. 

"I'm sure you had something great together. But you don't have to feel like you owe her anything because of your past."

Jamie doesn't get it. Nobody does.

"She did what she had to do. That wasn't necessarily in my favour, so of course I'm not happy about it. But she's still... her."

    "You can't even say her name out loud. You know what that reminds me of? Freaking Voldemort."

Feliciano thinks of what people said after That Night. What they still are saying. He stands. Jamie looks like he wants to take the words back.

    "Love-"

    "Don't talk about her like that," he says. "In this house, we will not talk about her like that. It's enough that the rest of the world does."

Jamie gnaws on his lip and avoids his eyes.

"Why won't you just tell me what happened that night?"

Because he doesn't want Jaime to get the same look in his eyes as everyone else. His boyfriend is already sceptical. He'll just say Feliciano is biased.

"It doesn't matter. It's in the past."

Feliciano gathers his plate and utensils and brings them to the counter. It's his turn to do the dishes, but it'll have to wait until Jamie leaves the kitchen.