I woke up from The Neighbor's Dog's barking. It was 4 am. As it turns out, I passed out last night while watching some crime documentary on Netflix. It felt like Netflix was mocking me when I woke up to the "You've been watching for 8 hours" message. It felt like it was telling me to get a life.
I have had a dream. I rarely ever have dreams (well, technically we never not dream when we sleep but apparently our brain tends to forget about it as soon as we wake up. I'm saying this for scientific accuracy because what kind of doctor would I be if that didn't matter to me?) but this one was so vivid. I dreamt that my father successfully sent me to the Fransiscan Convent and that the mother superior was checking for my "purity" Joan of Arc style and once they lifted my skirt up over my head, Lucifer himself, bust out from the depths of hell to claim my soul. Is it bad that I pictured him looking like a fucking hippie with long hair and a man-bun and a sexy beard?
Well, isn't the devil supposed to be attractive? To lure his victims to submission? Fucking charismatic fucker. I only wished I could have slept a little longer to see what he would have done with me after he's dragged me to hell.
I check my phone. My father told me that he needs me to call him. I don't call him even though I have to. He's still pretty upset that I didn't go to med school even if that issue is four years old. Let me just say that those stereotypes regarding career choices and Asian parents are true. You're only successful to them if: a. you're a doctor; b. you're an engineer; c. you're a lawyer; and d. you're a rich businessman. In my parents' case I had two choices- the nunnery or a pre-med.
I grew up religious but by at 10 I started asking questions. Is there really a god? Why does god want me to hate certain people? Why does god want me to contribute to a religion that has been corrupting people since its conception? Does god want me to suffer? These questions lead me to believe that if there is a god out there, he must be a fucking sadist. OR the whole idea of religion is absurd because people misinterpret god all the time and that god must have his hands over his face in disappointment over things his "followers" do for him.
It's too early for these thoughts. I went back to bed.
