Masks

Masks, a new ending

Author's Note: I revised the ending, let me know which one you like better!

I wore my first mask when I was sixteen.

I knew something was wrong. I didn't feel like myself anymore. It was as if a slumbering monster had awoken in my heart, clawing away at my desires. Food became unappetizing, sleep became unattainable as I slowly marched through my day. My favorite activities became unappealing as I spent most of my time in my room, lost in books drowning out the reality of my life.

My first thought of suicide was my wake up call. The idea of ending this horrible nightmare was becoming too easy as I imagined just slitting my wrists and slowly draining myself from this world. My grades began to slip as I tried to fight against these thoughts. In school, you are taught to fight against injustices and evils in the world, but not against your own thoughts.

It was during the swim unit of my junior year when I hit rock bottom. The air was too humid as all the girls were lined up in too revealing swimsuits at the edge of the pool. I crossed my arms in an attempt to hide my too thin frame. We were told to retrieve a brick at the bottom of the pool and swim it back to the edge.

My mind was not there that day. It was lost in the roots of the darkness eating away at my heart. When it was my turn, I did not even feel the coolness of the water as I sank to the bottom to retrieve the brick. People ask me about the next moments and what was I thinking. To give an honest answer - I don't know. I didn't have strength in my body to pull myself to the surface. Instead, I took the easy way out, I simply sank.

It felt easier to just swim down than face the rest of the world. I blacked out, letting water leak into my lungs hoping that I could finally be free. But I was not freed. Lifeguard hands pulled me away from the lurking darkness, back into the light. The hands pumped life back into my chest as water gurgled out of my mouth. Coughing, I emerged back into reality and was rushed off to the hospital for further examination. They found nothing major.

The street lights outside of my house emitted an eerie glow when I returned home. My mother stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her boney, thin frame. She wore a pinched expression which drew her eyebrows together. I sobbed into her now outstretched arms as I confessed the poisonous thoughts that have been plaguing me for months. She bit her lip before leading me upstairs. I sat down on her eggshell white comforter, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. Across the room, my mother bent down by her dresser with a mirror that hung above it. I could see my reflection in the mirror, I looked like a dark angel. The mascara blackened the areas around my eyes, causing my delicate, angelic blue eyes to become piercing. My straight black hair matched the distress on my face as it was falling out of my ponytail. My lip quivered again at the sight of my reflection. My skin sallow; looking like a skeleton.

My focus was drawn away from the mirror as my mother opened a box on top of her dresser. I've never noticed the box before. Curiously, I leaned forward to see what she was pulling out from it.

She approached me with a thin delicate piece of material. I noticed immediately that there were holes that were cut towards the upper part of it along with a single slit at the bottom. "This mask will protect you from being disturbed by those thoughts," my mother spoke lightly as this new mask became my new face. "Now your secrets can be protected."

I fought against the urge to lean back farther away from the approaching mask, as my mother gently laid it on my face. The mask tingled against my wet cheeks, like applying chapstick to chapped lips. And that was it. I didn't feel much different, though when looking back into the mirror, I looked a bit different. The mascara stains were gone, my eyes returning back to the delicate blue as I shook the previous image from my brain. Though, I noticed a slight fuzziness on my skin, as if I had put too much foundation creating a cakey look. Otherwise, I was back to looking like Pandora.