{short book! next chapter will be the last chapter❤️ }
i stare at my ceiling trying to push back what i saw, my breathing uneven, as if i'm about to stop breathing.
the tears are dried on my face from the hours of crying and now it's 3 am and my mind is playing tricks on me and my heart is just heavy right now
i hate myself for loving him so much that i want him back, i want to kiss him and relive all our moments together but he didn't love me the way i loved him and i'm here broken and crying
the memories flood through my head, the good and bad times we've had together for the last 5 years just rushing in.
our first kiss, our first hug, our first love, everything replaying
when we would lay down together on this bed as he would play with my hair and tell me i'm the most beautiful girl in the world, that i'm the only girl who he's been looking for and here i am on this bed crying
crying like i witnessed someone dying in front of me.
love is beautiful but can be so hurtful, i thought love was the most beautiful thing. i always thought love with stupid and only in books or movies until i fell in love with him
he was different and made me feel better about myself. i liked being around him because i didn't feel like i was hiding anything. i felt passionate with him
everything was black and white before him, but he showed me color. he showed me the beautiful things in the world, he showed me that the world is a beautiful place if we took care of it
but now everything's back to black and white and the world is a horrible place, the worlds dying and people don't care about saving it anymore
they threw the world that was beautiful to trash and didn't bother to save it. so here we are both trying to save it but can't because it's too late
it's too late to save myself from this hell thats raging inside of me, the butterflies i get whenever i would see him have burned
he's cheated on me 4 times and i never knew, if i was still with him he would've kept it going.
i'm nothing but a stupid useless girl that no one cares for and the saddest thing about this all is that he never loved me because if he did he would never hurt me or put me in that type of position, he would've fought for me but he didn't and that just showed that i was the fool that loved him more than he loved me
i check my phone to see if he's texted me and maybe apologized again because i'm just begging to see his name pop on my screen so i can hear his voice one more time
i take a deep breath and tell myself that he's not worth it anymore and that it's really over
i go through my camera roll and look at all the photos we've taken together. i begin picking all the ones to delete so i never have to see them again
i have to let go of him just like he did with me, my fingers shake when i press the delete button. i watch all the photos disappear from my phone
i don't know if i miss him or miss the person i thought he really was, i need to stop pushing myself to think that this was all my fault
maybe it was my fault that he cheated on me, because i wasn't good enough and lacked something that made him cheat on me
i wanted to spend my lifetime with him, he's so good at manipulating people and i would watch him do it right in front of my eyes but i never thought he would do it to me
i was too in love with him to ever see the bad in him or all the fucked up shit he's done
the thing that is killing me the most right now is that he's probably with some girl and isn't even thinking about me
all those 5 years went down the drain like nothing, like everything was just a joke for him.
i'm nothing, i'm just a stupid girl who falls to easily for everyone's stupid games
i go through our messages and read the text we would send each other, i laugh when i remember we fought over what we should watch
i instantly regret it and shake my head, i delete our messages and turn my phone back off
i just need to get him out of my mind.
he isn't worth it anymore, he never even was.
my own best friend betrayed me like that
i grab a pillow from my bed and scream as loudly as i can in it.
i hate myself and its because of him
and now nothing can fix me and my broken heart, it's so broken that even he can't fix it
after a few minutes of staring at the ceiling my phone turns on, i take it from my night stand and slide it open
text message
joey:
i miss you
