A part of me

Talks of a soul (part I)

It is dark in here, I am all alone .I can not even hear a sound but I see light in this darkness finding its way. I muster every ounce of my strength and I try to find the light but I can't . I am stuck on this side and my lover is anticipating for my presence  on the other side .

The chains of laws and rules have caged me and I cannot break through. All I wish is for a day,  a minute or second whatever you can grant me. I will seize it. I just want to have a look at him. I believe that he is waiting for me, begging for me to come back. I hear his melodious sound in my head expecting my arrival, crying and wailing for me.

This is my death wish. If I get this one last chance I will die peacefully, I will release that breath I have been holding, I will drop every resentment I have. I will die without any regrets or complaints or demands. 

Her wish has been granted

Finally the day has arrived when I get to see him. I am invisible for him but he can feel my presence. My soul is a part of every inch of his body.  Every fibre of my being has come alive just by the idea of seeing him once again. I just want him to make him realize that no matter whatever happens I will be there for him.

Oh my god! I see him, I see his beautiful face, those tender eyes that hold immense love in them, his cheerful smile that makes me forget all the misery and pain I have suffered , his smooth hands that once promised to never let go of me. But now they hold another woman.

I am hurt to see that he is looking at her the way he used to look at me. I can't wrap my head around the thought that he is not mine anymore. His memories, his touch all seem to be fading away like me.I move my hand to place it on your cheek like I used to when we were together, in love and alive. But now it only passes through you. He is getting married.

 And this thought is recurring in my mind that if I would have lived then things would have been different. Then I would have been walking down that aisle, I would have looked at you like you are my whole world, then I would have been saying "I do". I thought  that you often think about me but I guess I was wrong. 

I don't know if you remember how you used to cook breakfast for me every weekend. The smell of freshly cooked waffles and the aroma of black coffee would surround the apartment that we used to call home. I can still remember the faint taste of the coffee and waffles. This part of the day perfectly described us. Happy and in love .The way you used to tease me, when I would complain about keeping the house clean. I remember that you used to pick me up from work everyday. Even when I used to insist that "I am a big girl, I can go on my own." but my heart would flutter every time when you used to come to pick me up. I can't help but wonder whether you do these same things for her. This feeling of envy is spreading in my whole body. I don't want to share these moments. They are too precious for me. I have been holding on to them as  something that would remind you of me. 

I noticed that a lot has changed from the last time I saw you. Even though now you look a lot mature but I guess some things don't change. I see that you are still wearing  the watch that I gave you. It's now  old but still you wore it. Maybe you haven't forgotten me. And even this simple action ignites hope in me. But you know what they say about hope...

Even after everything that has happened I want you to know one thing that I still love you. I don't hold any grudges against you. Even if you don't believe it but there is this mixed feeling. One part of me is devastated to know that you don't love me like you used to but the other is satiated to see that you are happy. I want nothing more than your happiness even if its not with me.

I have realised that it's no one's fault that my life was taken away from me and I don't blame you for finding your own happiness and finally settling down. All I want you to know that I will always be there for you and will always stand your guard no matter whatever happens. 

The time that I have spent with you was the best time of my life and I will not trade it for anything. Maybe in a parallel universe we are together and we are in love and are ecstatic to have each other that is why for the sake of our love I will let you go. The only thing that you can do for me is never forget me. I don't want to die oblivion. When you'll think of me I will always be there. You can not see me but you can always feel my love. 

This is the closure I wanted. This is the final goodbye. I am setting myself free.

Goodbye my love........

Author's note

And that's it for now guys in the next chapter I will write about the guy's perspective. So let me know what all of you think of it so far. And thank you so much for giving this book a chance.

Love,

Arunima