dear diary,
today remarks a year without hanbin.
guess this will be the last time i'd write on this stupid diary, huh?
well, i just wanted to thank everyone that has appeared in my life and gave me happiness, even that those happiness didn't stay long.
because nothing lasts forever, right?
i'm not doing well these days, i'm so done with fighting my pain. i'm not a fighter.
but before i left, i wanted to make a wish.
i wished for hanbin's friends to change into a better person and i hope that after i'm gone, they won't find another victim and treat them the same way as they treat me.
i wished for my parents to live a happy life after seperating, after abandoning me. i hope for them to be with the family they wanted and be happy.
i wished for whoever hanbin's girlfriend right now, to treat hanbin better than the way i treated him.
and lastly, kim hanbin.
i hope that you'd be happy by now, with your new girlfriend and your new life in singapore. i'm sorry for making you upset. i'm sorry that i couldn't treat you the way that she treated you.
but i do hope that you know about the fact that i love you, kim hanbin. and i will always do.
i would never cheat behind your back, because i fell for you and just you.
and i'm sorry that i couldn't be truthful with you. everytime you asked me if i'm okay, i wanted to tell you about my problems, but i was scared.
i'm sorry for rejecting your skype calls. i'd really love to, but i don't want you to see me in a pitiful condition.
i wanted to tell you that i'm hurting, hanbin. i wanted to tell you that my world's slowly falling apart, but i couldn't. i couldn't tell you that everything is hurting me, nothing's going right.
i'm sorry for not being a good girlfriend.
lastly, thank you for everything kim hanbin. i'm running out of space to write, but please know that i love your presence around me and i'm thankful about what you had done to me.
after all, you are my first and my last love.
i love you goodbye,
kim hanbin.
signed,
kim nari.
