Focus On Me | Yugbum

I love you, hyung

I took a shaky breath, squeezing my eyes shut as I turned the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. I opened my eyes, squinting as I looked around before making a run for my bedroom. As I got up the stairs, I suddenly felt an arm grab my wrist and pull me into a room. My breathing became unsteady and I started trembling, cowering away and whimpering as I felt the tears build up in my eyes. The door was shut and locked, causing me to flinch as my tears started to drip down my face. I felt a person come close and reach out to touch my cheek, but I flinched and jerked my head back a little.

"Yugyeom ah, it's just hyung." His words hit me hard as I jolted forward and hugged him tightly, sobbing against his chest. He rubbed my back and pulled me against him, holding me in his arms as I sobbed. My hands fisted his shirt as I breathed shakily, trying my best to maintain a better composure. I moved to sit up and wipe my tears, whimpering and trying to hold my hands from being so shaky.

"H-Hyung." My voice cracked and I looked down in embarrassment, letting out another cry and covering my mouth to try and be quiet.

"Shh, Gyeomie, it's alright. Hyung is here. Just breathe and listen to my heartbeat, okay?" He spoke in a very soft and calm voice, gently holding me so that my head laid on his chest in the location of his heart. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, hugging my arms to keep them from shaking as I focused on the sound of his heartbeat thumping slowly against my ear. After some time, not focusing on how long because it seemed like forever, I started to calm down a little. My arms became more steady, so I turned to hug my hyung very tightly and buried my face against the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. The moment I took in his scent and was officially in his arms, I relaxed instantly. I felt home. I felt safe. I felt secure. All of the things I never felt with anyone else.

"I'm sorry, hyungie," I mumbled against his neck, inhaling and exhaling calmly.

"No apologizing, Gyeomie. I should have told you it was me at first, and I really didn't mean to scare you. I love you so much and I just wanted to have a talk with you." I was still so confused as to how hyung was always so calm in any given situation. Sometimes, it scares me. One time when we were younger, I accidentally broke one of his cd's, a signed copy of his favorite album by his favorite band.

I was reaching to take the disc out of the cd player in my room, fumbling to get it back in the case when it snapped. I started to panic, knowing that Mark hyung would be home any minute and he was going to be so angry. I shoved it in the case and closed it, running back into his room and trying to put it back where I found it, but the problem was that I couldn't remember where I found it. I heard the front door open and footsteps walking up the stairs, and my heart began to race. I stood in the middle of the room with tears falling down my face as I looked at the door, seeing the knob turn. He slowly opened the door and his eyes widened when he saw me in his room, but as soon as he saw the disc in my hand, his eyes were completely void of all emotion.

"Yugyeom ah, what are you doing with my disc, hm?" He asked in a very calm voice, sending shivers down my back.

"H-Hyung I-I just wanted to l-listen to it," I said guiltily, swallowing slowly as a lump began to form in my throat.

"Well, you know, hyung told you to always ask before touching and using his stuff." He still managed to speak in such a calm voice, I started trembling so badly that I almost dropped the disc. He still hadn't seen the actual disc, only me holding the case. Oh dear, I was going to die.

"I-I am so s-sorry, hyung!" I broke down in tears, bowing and holding the disc out to him. He silently took the disc, opening and picking up the pieces of it. Nothing. Nothing came out of his mouth.

"You can go back to your room now, Yugyeom." He spoke, void of any emotions as I rushed past him and ran to my bedroom. I curled up on my bed as I let out quiet sobs, knowing that my mom could come home any minute. After that, he gave me the silent treatment for a month and a half. Even when mom came home, he was silent. He didn't speak up for me like he usually did. Nothing. I guess I deserved it since I broke something so important to him.

"O-Okay," I mumbled quietly, nodding and hugging him impossibly closer.

"Seungmin is out drinking tonight, so she won't be home until late. I want you to sleep in here with me tonight, Gyeomie." I nodded so quickly, nuzzling into his neck even more. I was so grateful whenever he told me to sleep in his room. I always felt safe in his arms and I wish that I could sleep with him every night, but Seungmin would never let me. She was almost always around whenever I would usually go to bed, and she would lock me in there.

"Th-Thank you, hyungie," I mumbled, holding on to him. He slowly reached around my lower half and lifted me up, standing and walking over to his bed. I whined and gripped his arm.

"What is it, Gyeomie?" He asked, still holding me.

"H-Hungry," I mumbled, pouting a little. Even though I knew he couldn't see my pout, he sure could hear it in my voice. He nodded and walked to the door, opening it and heading back down the stairs to the kitchen.

"What do you want to eat, sweetie?" He spoke soothingly, setting me on the counter, but not quite letting go. I know that I will be 18 in a few months and it seems like Mark hyung is just babying me, but because of all my childhood trauma, I regress to a mentally younger state. Mark hyung started to notice it after I turned 13, but he thought that I just chose to do it. I never chose to be like this, my brain just did it without me even thinking about it.

"I want some pizza, hyungie." I smiled slightly, slowly leaning back and letting go, but quickly grabbing his hand and holding it.

"Alright, Gyeomie. I'll order some pizza, but you better help hyung clean up so that Seungmin doesn't know." I pouted and nodded, watching him excitedly as he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. I spaced out as he ordered the pizza, sighing and frowning. I didn't realize that hyung was already finished with the call when I did, so I was startled when he spoke to me.

"What's wrong, Gyeomie?"

"Oh, um, nothing. I'm just worried about some things." He nodded and rubbed my arm gently.

"Well, do you mind if I invite JaeJae over?" His words made me sad, but I showed no feeling to it.

"Sure, hyung. I miss JaeJae hyung." He nodded and paused for a second before his facial expression showed that he forgot something else.

"What is it, hyung?"

"I just remembered that Jaebum wanted to meet you and come over with JaeJae." I tilt my head in worry.

"B-But h-hyung-" I started, but he cut me off.

"I trust him very much. He is JaeJae's older brother and I already told him, so don't worry, bub." I sighed and nodded, extremely nervous and slightly curious about this new hyung.

"O-Okay, I g-guess." He smiled softly and did something on his phone, probably texting JaeJae hyung, and then turned back to me.

"Let's sit down and wait a bit, yeah?" I nodded, clinging to hyung as he carried me over to the couch and cuddled me while we waited. 

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