Loving Labyrinths

00.

"Sorry talaga, Dana. I consider you as my best friend— the closest one. I don't feel anything beyond that, Sorry."

Alam ko naman noong una pa lang na ganito na talaga yung sasabihin nya. I mean, I've seen and read between the lines. Sinubukan ko lang at nagbabaka sakali.

To also give myself a piece of mind.

To pour all the bottled up feelings in the heart.

I knew soon enough the void will be filled with darkness, hurt and pity.

"H-Huy! Ano ka ba! T-There's nothing to worry about! I just want to let out what I feel. Sorry din, this seems like a wrong time because you look like you're in a hurry."

Kanina ko pa napapansin yung pagtingin niya sa orasan. Wearing his plain white tee, black jeans and adidas shoes... he looks like he's going somewhere really important.

But what made me wonder is where is he going in this kind of hour? It's 12 midnight already..

I can smell the smoke of cigarettes and the faint loud rap music nearby. My other friends are currently in the pub near in the center of Greenfield District. Probably having the best time while I'm in here... having my heart broken by the angel in front of me.

He has the most angelic smile I've ever seen in my life. He gives off his most genuine smile whenever it's required. That's one of the many reasons I like Jace Adam Cojuanco. The rest are many to mention and thinking about it just breaks my heart for the second time.

Kung dati sobra sobrang saya at kilig ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya, ngayon naman puro sakit.

"Yeah. I'll have to go to... Charlene."

Yeah. Her. The one you're courting.

Napakagat nalang ako ng aking labi at tumingin sa sahig. The cigarette butts of this people who don't have discipline are all over the place. For Adam, I'm sure he's pissed about it too.

"O-Okay. Balik na 'ko kila Franco." I said as I point using my thumbs to my behind. Tinignan ko muli siya ng isang beses. Nararamdaman kong namamasa na ang aking mga mata pero kaya ko siyang pigilan... sa ngayon.

"Okay." he said, his gaze never leaving mine. In other scenario, siguro nasisilayan ko na yung mala-anghel nyang ngiti sa oras na 'to. Pero I confessed, eh. It seems like my confession disgusts him, judging by his reaction.

Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang maglakad. Gusto ko man bilisan yung lakad ko pero hindi ko ginawa. I have to remain calm and composed. I let my tears slide of my cheeks and wipe it fast.

"Dana!"

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. Medyo malayo na ako sa kanya kaya tumalikod ako para makita siya. He didn't move an inch to where he was standing earlier. Nakakunot ang kanyang noo habang nakatingin sa mata ko. I'm sure he won't see my red eyes from our distance..

"Still friends, okay?"

Friends.

Fuck. Na friend zone talaga ako.

Alam ko talaga una palang. Kaya nga sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na kailangan pang mag confess at itago nalang 'tong nararamdaman ko sa loob loob ko. Pero walang mangyayari kung hindi ko susubukan diba? This is what they call risk. I did it, but shit it hurts so much!

"Oo naman! Ano ka ba. I told you I just want to tell you what I feel, to just let it out. Don't worry about it Jace."

Dahan dahan syang tumango. His eyebrows still furrowed, agad akong umatras para mas lumayo pa yung paningin ko sa kanya kasi nararamdaman ko nananaman na naiiyak ako. I waved at him and grinned, then ran to my friends.

I can't stop the tears from falling anymore. Grabe, ganon pala pakiramdam non? Ganon pala pakiramdam na hinahayaan mo sarili mong magmahal ng sobra sobrang lalim kahit alam mong hinding hindi niya masusuklian.

Una ko palang siyang nakilala, I know he's unreachable. He grew up in a very lavish family while I grew up in the farm. We met through mutual friends and now we ended up in here.

I defeatedly sighed as I slid on my seat doon sa pub. Nahagip ng attensyon ni Bianca yung pagupo ko at pansamantalang tinigil ang usapan nilang dalawa ni Franco. Our noisy and funny friend, James, is just minding his own business playing his mobile legend game to mind me.

Tinungga ko yung Smule ng tuloy tuloy at kinuha iyon ni Bianca.

"What are you doing? Did something happened? Nasaan si Adam?" dirediretso nitong tanong sa akin.

Franco put the liquor away feom my reach kasi pilit ko iyong kinukuha. I rolled my eyes on him and leaned on my seat.

"Why? Iniinom ko yung naiwan kong bottle. Nothing happened because I came from the bathroom and Jace and I separated our ways doon pa lang sa corner."

Sobrang lalim ng tingin niya sa akin. Parang tinitimbang kung nagsisinungaling ba ako o hindi. I've mastered my art of lying, so I kept my straight face and made it look like it's nothing.

It's not nothing. I'm hurting so deep inside.

"Bakit namumula mata mo?" tanong ni Franco na pinapaypayan kaming dalawa ni Bianca. We're outside the pub so totoo nga yung init. I'm wearing a black cropped long sleeved na fitted pa naman.

"Ang dami kasing naninigarilyo. It hurts my throat and eyes. Please, why am I on a hot seat? Nag comfort room lang ako dami na agad follow up questions?"

They both don't know I like Jace. As I said, I've already mastered my art of lying. I can conceal everything pretty well.

Nagusap usap na ulit kami noong ni-let go na nila yung topic. I'm not in the mood so I'm just minding my own business drinking in here. Not until my friends made a noise that pertains that someone's on our table.

Iniangat ko ang tingin ko sa hawak kong bote. There, Jace is with Charlene who has his hands on her waist. They're both laughing at something Franco and James had said. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti o tumawa man lang.

They both sat on the vacant seat on our table. They're so close! Agad ko nalang inialis yung tingin ko sa kanila kasi sobra na ako makatitig. Napaismid ako at inilapag yung dalang bote sa lamesa.

"Kaya pala nawala, dinala ang minamahal!" tukso ni James.

They all started talking about work. Halos pareho kasi yung mga trabaho nila kaso magkakaibang kumpanya lang. I joined them, para naman hindi ako mahalata. Even though Franco and I can't relate well because I'm unemployed at the moment habang sya naman ay work from home.

"Bakit nga ba, Cha? Bakit nga ba pinapatagal mo pa yung panliligaw ng kaibigan namin?" Franco locked Adam's head at ginulo ang buhok nito habang lahat kami tumatawa. Adam tried to break free but failed.

"Oo nga, he likes you so much." Bianca agreed.

"Can you all not?"

Natatawang nahawi ni Adam yung braso ni Franco. He laughed again when he turned his head to Charlene who's looking at him with a bright eyes.

"Well, he has a chance.."

Naghiyawan kaming lahat. Of course I have to get along with it! Kahit na putangina, sobrang sakit! Naiiyak at nagwawala na halos ang looban ko!

I tried to clap at them while Jace's looking at Charlene's eyes so deeply that it made Charlene blush. I looked away, so much for hurting yourself, Dana.

Mas lalo pang lumalalim ang gabi. Jace never met my eyes whenever I talk or he's talking to anyone. Well, it seems like my confession really has a toll on him huh. I should be happy kasi may epekto, pero hindi naman dapat magsaya kung yung epekto hindi maganda diba?

Friends my ass, after this, we'll never go back like we used to.