1 week later...
I grabbed a box of pins and rode the bus to school. A girl tapped on my shoulder. "Hey, you ok?" she asked politely. "Y-yea. I'm fine." I turned back to the window.
"You sure? You look angry. Well... I can't really tell what your feeling. Something just seems wrong."
"I'm fine." I responded trying not to sound annoyed.
"Why you don't be smiling then?"
I stared at her with an empty look. "I don't know."
In science class...
Ms. Exley was boring us with lesson. "Janurary 17th is near. You should prepare for it." A voice spoke in my head. Agreeing with the voice, I took the pins and shoved them through random parts of my hand and fingers. I didn't show pain or make sound. In fact, it was pretty easy. My hand does hurt and feel very sore but, I think I deserve the pain. I bent my fingers and twised my hand to get use to the pain. The pins were in some parts of my hands that caused my fingers to barley move.
Today, we have to go to instructional focus classes or I.F. My I.F class was Drama. I walked to the drama room. An old friend sat at the end of the classroom. She invited me to sit with her. I looked at her arm. She had a couple of healed scars. "What happened to your arm?" I asked poking the scars. "I use to have my problems." She replied ducking her head. I paused. "You should totally kill yourself." I smiled. "What?!? No! I don't have those problems anymore." My friend plugged in her headphones. Later, I caught her looking at my hand filled with pins.
"Maya, Can I ask you something?" She paused her music.
"Yea. Sure."
"I don't mean to be judgemental or anything but...are you...gothic?"
I stopped to think. Maybe she asked because I wear black alot. I only wear it because it's been my favorite color since I was 5 and it looks better on me than any other color. I answered her question, " Honestly, I don't know. I don't understand myself enough to answer these type of questions." I gave her a fake smile. "Oh. I was just curious. " She un-paused her music. I spent the rest of the class time thinking about my life.
