Musically Green

Right time, Bad day

It's Thursday and I'm waking up thinking about yesterday. After I went to class Eli wouldn't stop bothering me. Every second was...are you okay, are you okay, are you okay? Like YES sheesh! The thing was that fucking note. I couldn't fucking concentrate on shit.
Last night Eli tried to spend the night but I wouldn't let him. I just couldn't handle all the unwanted concern. I just wanted to think. I needed to be alone. I love Eli really but gosh he was being so aggy. I groan and get up taking a shower.
Today I don't feel like effort should take play in anyway. So, I throw on some black sweats and a black hoodie. I didn't even touch my face. I decided to just let my hair be down and free. I run my fingers through it. At least it still didn't tangle. Which is good cause even if it was I wouldn't have combed it.
I still looked better than over half the girls in my school, I just didn't look my best. I go downstairs and my mom looks at me with wide eyes. I shake my head and hold up a hand. I mouth to her that I'm fine. She gives a sympathetic smile. Why is everyone treating me like something is wrong? I'm fine really. I'm just lazy today.
Not wanting my mom to be worried I go to the erase board on the fridge and write lazy day. She gets a relieved look. I rub my stomach and shake my head. She nods putting the muffin she packed in the cake container.
The front door opens and Eli comes in. He looks at me getting ready to say something but my mom beats him to it pointing at the fridge. He narrows his eyes at me. I shrug. If he doesn't believe me it's whatever. I don't feel like talking today which is ironic for me huh? I walk out the door to my bike and climb on. I grab my helmet putting it on. I start up the motorbike, wave at my mom, flick Eli off, and leave.
When I get there I go to reach for my headphones. Fuck!!! I left every fucking thing at home. Well my phones in my pocket but that's all I've got. It's Eli I know it. He's throwing me off my god damned game. I've had no music, no library time, no silence, nothing.
My old ways are almost completely vanished. I shake my head and stomp towards the school. I feel eyes trailing every move I make. I look around and every fucking kid has their god damned eyes on me. I roll my eyes widening them while throwing my arms up bucking my head as if to say, what? Everyone looks away.
I drop my arms with a smack. Not feeling like walking I trudge into the school and to my locker. I can hear everything people are saying and it's irritating me.
" What's up with her today?" "Maybe he broke up with her." "She looks like she got dumped." " Ew. That outfit is trash." "Is she pregnant?" " I think he cheated on her." " Do you think he's gonna make her get an abortion?"
I snap my head up and glare at everyone. They don't look away with their wide big kookoo eyes. I slam my locker shut the hardest I can. Someone tries to whisper, p.m.s much? I stomp to the girl and grab her by her shirt pushing her into the locker behind her.
I slap her right across her ugly face. I raise my hand to hit her again an someone, Eli, grabs my waist pulling me away and against him. I start to fling in his arms wildly but he doesn't let go.
" Woah tiger. Down girl down. What is going on with you huh? Is it me? Did I do something? Because if I did you should tell me." I turn around and push him off me. He furrows his eyebrows.
" So it is me? What did I do?" Honestly no one did anything. I'm just upset. I don't know if it's the roses or if its because of my lack of sleep. Probably both.
Either way I'm pissed at life. Pissed cause I can't figure out who the hell my secret admirer is. Pissed cause they kept me up all night trying to figure it out. Pissed cause I'm fucking tired. Pissed cause these little bitches have so much mouth. Pissed because my life is changing too fast. Pissed at the world right now. Just pissed! FUCKING. PISSED!!!!
I turn and storm to my classroom. I reach for the door and a hand snatches it back. I turn pushing Eli back three times then I hit him in his chest. It felt so good. I hit him again and again and again until he gets hold of both of wrist.
" Stop! That's enough." I move to try and hit him again.
" Hey. Hey hey. What's the matter?" He wipes away a tear I didn't even know was there. I guess I am p.m.s'ing. No wonder I'm going off the grid. I don't care though it feels good.
I slap him just like I slapped that girl. I go to slap him again but he catches me again. I kick him. Once. Twice. Again. He twist me around so that my arms are behind me and pushes me to walk. We continue until he pushes me into the girls locker room.
" Talk. Now. Your pissed the fuck off and I know it. I could tell the moment I saw you at your house. I knew better than to believe you were just having a lazy day. Go ahead. Tell me."
I stand there unmoving. I finally get it. I know why I'm so fucking angry. It's because of my life.
My fucking life. I can't fucking speak. I have no fucking friends except Danny * I'd never admit it to him* and he wants what I can't give him. I always give my mom false hope that I could get better. For 18 fucking years my mom prayed for me and didn't shit happen. Then Eli comes along fucking shit up.
I had a normal damned schedule to live by and he comes fucking around. I hate my life. I hate people. I just hate everything. I don't understand why me? Everyone looks at me like I'm this fucking perfect little angel.
Well I've got news for you all. IM NOT! OKAY!!! Look at me!!! Yeah I'm fucking hot but I can't even fucking talk!?! Fuck this fuck everything! I got this fucking creepy ass stalker who might kill me and I don't even know who the fuck it is.
I'm losing my fucking mind. And none of this ever mattered. I never thought like this. I never felt so pent up. Ever. Never even felt love. Never felt so alive, so good. And if I'm being true to myself I know I'm afraid. Afraid he'll leave me. I've never been afraid of being loved. Until Elijah.
He touches my shoulder and I attack him. Punching, biting, scratching, slapping, kicking. I just let loose. I start screaming my head off. I've never heard a scream be more toe curling.
" Would you just stop! Fuck! What the hell is wrong with you huh!?! Tell me god damned it! Fucking tell me! I can't do this shit! We were fine until yesterday! Is that it!?! This can't just be because me and Danny were arguing so what the hell is it!?! The fuck did I do so fucking bad that you wanna fight me!?!" I shake my head tears falling. Why did it have to be me?
" No. Don't do that. Don't cry. Baby don't cry. Please. Just tell me. Let me make it better ok?" He pulls me into him and I break down completely. His smell. That heartbeat. Oh god. I'm really in love. I'm so scared. Too scared.
I push him off of me and step back. I look up at him tear filled eyes. He stands there looking at me warily. I know what I'm gonna do and I'm doing it before I can't even second guess myself.
' I think we need to break up. I know it's only been some days but I don't think I can do this. I can't. I see how other girls look at you. Maybe you should go for them. But me? I don't want this anymore. I'm done.'
" What? No no no. You don't mean that. Your just angry right now. I don't know what about but that's it. Your angry. Can't we just talk?" He pleads.
' No. I really can't do this.' I say walking out. When the door closes I lean against it silently crying. I take a deep breath to clear my head.
" Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!" Eli yells. He let's out a frustrated scream. I hear banging and he swears again. I press my ear to the door when it goes silent. I can hear him sobbing and it breaks my heart everytime it sounds like he's struggling to breathe. I let out a choked sob and walk away. Away from his broken piano, screeching violin of a heart.
***
The rest of the day went just as bad. People whispering, staring, being bitches. I didn't know I was so damn interesting. Danny was a no show today and I'm not sure if I was relieved or more upset. Eli was obviously pissed the fuck off and he made it very clear to anyone who crossed him. My teachers kept treating me like a damn child who just found out they were gonna be a fucking cancer patient.
And last but not least I got called to the motherfucking principles office because of that dumb trick that ran her bitch ass mouth. He told me that since this was my first offense that I get two days detention. He says I get to start tomorrow. I swear if I ever see that knob sucking whore outside of school I'm gonna beat her to sleep.
And now here I am in my bed thinking about life. Not mine, just life in general. And I've come to the conclusion that life was created to make us as miserable as possible before death comes. That simple. Come to life, live in misery, die.
My mom came home like 15 minutes ago talking about how she wanted to celebrate my laughing by going to dinner. I signed her I was sick and she said other day then. I hate lying to her but c'mon I really don't feel like being around anyone right now. Including her. I know she'll constantly ask questions and I don't want to be questioned.
And come to think of it I didn't really lie to her. I am sick. Sick of everything. I groan cutting on some music. 5sos she looks so perfect starts to play all around me. I grimace. Wrong feel. I turn it to amnesia, press repeat and let sleep take care of rest.
I hear noises in my room. I choose to ignore them because I thought it was nothing. But then I feel something lift my covers and slide in. I get a whiff of blueberries and jump up.
" Shit! Fuck! I-I I didn't mean to wake you I was just...I couldn't sleep knowing you were angry at me. My eyes they just...I couldn't close them. Because every time I tried I saw you and, and fuck I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to see you. Whatever I did, baby we've gotta work through it cause damn it I can't be without you. Ok?"
I cut on my light. I slowly walk to my bedroom door and point telling him to leave. He rushes over to me looking into my eyes, no my soul.
" That's not what you want. Can't be. I know your mad but how do you expect me to be apologetic about something I didn't even know I did?" I walk away back to my bed and he follows. I turn to him and push him back towards the door.
" The fuck did I do huh!?! Shit! Can't you see I'm trying here!?! I don't even know what to be sorry for!!! Your giving me nothing to work with here! Yet here I am and I'm trying! Fuck! I'm honestly trying so damn hard! What more could you possibly want from me!?! Can't you see I love you!?! I fucking LOVE you! And I just...I just don't know why your pushing me away! But fine. I'll leave. Once I'm out that door I'm not coming back. You hear me?" His voice cracks. " I'm not coming back. I'm gonna go now. I don't care how much you think you hate me I still fucking love you. But even love has it's limits. Mine is you ripping me to shreds. So, I won't come back."
He cries turning away from me. I see my mom standing in the door way tears in her eyes, she looks... disappointed. He walks to her, nods, turns back to me, shakes his head, and heads down the stairs. I look at my mom. She lip sync to me don't let him go. I think about him.
Yeah I'm scared of loving him and vice versa but is it worth losing? I don't fucking know but I run downstairs. He didn't leave. He's still here sitting on my couch crying. Heart wrenching sounds escaping his lips. He sounds so crushed. Like someone died. He stands up looks at me again and walks to the door. He opens it and steps out. It's now or never.
" I'm scared." He was so close to closing the door but he pauses. I hear an intake of breath behind me and I know my mom's there. I don't dare turn around afraid I'll loose my voice and courage.
" I'm so scared," my voice sounds cracked and broken but beautiful. Musical. " I've never loved before. Not like this. Earlier I was so afraid that you'd leave me. It just seemed too good to be true. Still does I guess. I. I love you too. With all of me I do. I know I messed up. I let my fear of loosing you get the best of me. And I understand if you still leave me." My voice gives out on that last sentence but it still came out. I just sound... shattered.
He does a slow spin looking at me disbelief clear in his eyes. He just sits there staring at me. I began growing impatient.
" Say something Elijah." My voice comes out soft but rushing. He steps to me and kisses me till I pull away gasping for air.
" I'm not leaving. I can't. I was well prepared to beg tomorrow regardless of what I said upstairs. God I'm so lucky to have you. How could you possibly think I could ever leave? You mean the world to me. I could never go. I know we haven't known each other very long, but that's the thing about love. We don't have to. We got lucky. We found each other and fell so fucking deep in love and because of that, I don't give a damn how long I've known you. Your my everything. I love you. I promise to never EVER leave. Ok?" I nod.
" Ok. I trust you. I'm sorry I pushed you away before. I just-" he cuts me off pressing his lips to mine.
"Doesn't matter. I'm not leaving. The end." My mom clears her throat. We both look to her. She looks so proud. Even with tear streaked cheeks and red eyes.
" I'll give you two alone time. Looks like much privacy is needed I'll be at Sarah's. Call me when your done talking ok?" I smile at my mom and she takes her keys leaving us alone.
I look at Elijah and as soon as I do his lips are on mine. He picks me up my legs wrapping around him. He carries me up to my bedroom and lays me on the bed hovering over me. His lips move to my neck instantly going to the spot he knows makes me weak. I moan.
" Fuck. I can't believe this shit." He mutters sucking at my neck again.
" I love you." I whisper moan.
" Yes. Say it again."
" I love you." I repeat.
" Again." I chuckle and I feel him laugh too.
" I love you Elijah. My king." He growls.
" Fuck it." He stands up throwing his shirt off. He leans over to take mine off and I help him. I can't believe I'm about to do this. I reach back and unclasp my bra without a second thought. He stares at my breast.
I stand and press them against his chest. He kisses me roughly but it says alot. I deepen it when I feel him pull my sweats down with ease. I step out of them kicking them to the side. I reach for his jeans but struggle with the button.
He moves my hands laughing. I blush and he pulls them down swiftly reattaching our lips. He lays me back on the bed tugging my panties down. I hear his boxers drop after my underwear are off.
" You sure about this?" I nod and he kisses from my cheeks to my chest and back up. I feel him at my entrance. He pushes in and I gasp.
" Fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck. Shit. Don't move." I stay still adjusting to him and he doesn't move either. He pulls out and I feel empty but before I can complain he's back and I'm completely enthralled. He grunts in my ear as he pushes in and out. I feel so fucking good right now. Words can't explain this moment.
" I love you Elijah. So much." He pushes in completely. He picks up speed lifting a leg going deeper. I moan uncontrollably.
" Tell me again. I need to hear it again."
" I love you I love you I love you." I moan out loud. He takes a breast in his mouth slamming into me at the right angle. My body starts to shake and I'm clenching around him.
" Shit! Yes! Don't stop Elijah! Please don't stop!" I'm a moaning hot mess beneath him. He groans. His hands fist the sheets above my head and he loses it. He starts going apeshit and I'm in heaven.
" Fuck Elizabeth come on. I'm not gonna make it. Shit. Cum for me baby." And I do. I spasm under him and he releases into me emptying himself. He collapses on me both out of breath. After a minute he pulls out leaving me feeling cold and hollow and rolls next to me.
" Elizabeth?" He croaks still breathing rugged.
" Yes?"
" Did it hurt?"
" A little. But it was so amazing. Don't worry I'm fine. But my sheets probably aren't." I sit up and look down between my legs. There was blood all over the sheets and he was still leaking out of me.
" Fuck that's sexy. You made me do that Ellie. The first and only girl to do this to me." I blush and look away.
"Don't be shy. I like seeing you like this. I like knowing I'm your first too. It makes me ecstatic to know that we've only been with each other."
" Really? Well. I'm glad it was you. And I love you, really, but can we get rid of these sheets and take a shower?" He laughs.
" Yeah. I'll put the sheets in the washer. Go ahead and start up the shower. I'll join you when I'm done."
I cut on the shower choosing the right temperature. I climb in taking my strawberry shampoo and rub it into my scalp. Minutes later there's another hand helping and it feels so good.
" Let me. It always feels better when someone else does it." I move my hands letting Eli take over. I grab some of my favorite body wash and scrub down. Eli starts washing my back. I turn around.
" Let me help you now." I say taking some and rubbing him all over. When I reach his ass I give it a squeeze. He jumps.
" Hey! Hands up here." He says pulling my hands to his abdomen before smacking my ass. I giggle and began rinsing off. I hop out and he follows. After drying off I climb in the bed Eli mimicking my movements.
" Naked huh? Me likey." He laughs reaching over me to turn the lights out. I snuggle up to him kissing his bare chest.
" I love you my king."
" And I love you my queen. Goodnight." I let his heart pull me into my dreams.