I'm so caught up in always being sad. Openly terrified of death, something I once welcomed. The peace before seems so nerving. The peace shouldn't be there. When you're constantly told you have people who love you, people who are there for you, I always wake up at 10 am with no one. There are lots of things I want to change about myself, and how I react, how I perceive, how I am in general. But that's not me. That's never been me, because I've always been sad, I've always been depressed. And I try to think back to the times where I was once happy, but every family moment there's something wrong, every holiday I felt so left out. And my birthdays were the only ones that made sense. Because I'm one day closer to fucking dying.
