Open Secrets✔️

I

Do you ever just sit and look out the window for hours. Nowadays, it is my life. I spend most of my time alone. I guess that is both a bad and good thing. As I look out the window today, I see most of the things I see everyday. The sun is shinning, but I can see dark clouds in the distance.

There will be a storm today. I can feel it. I can see a large tree. The leaves have slowly started to move more quickly. The wind is picking up. I was about to stop looking outside until I seen something. I definitely don't see this everyday.

A baby bird. I watched as it fell out of it's nest. Seeing that suddenly took me back. I remember my brother and I walking home from school everyday. He was very different from me. At least, I thought so back then. I was 10 and he was 13.

He was always getting into trouble. Blaming everybody except himself. He was very sick, mentally. I realize that now. Maybe if I could have noticed it back then, I could've saved him. He just needed help.

One day, we were walking home from school. It seemed like a normal day. We were about a block away from home, When it happened. We heard a small thud.

"Hey Danny, look! A baby bird. It must have fell out of the nest. We have to put it back."

"No we don't. Let's just go home Chad."

"No! It will die if we leave it here!" I bent over to pick up bird.

"Chad!" Danny slammed his backpack onto the ground. He quickly pushed me out of the way. He raised his foot and stomped the baby bird. I probably counted ten times. "There, Its dead. Can we please go home now?" He was filled with hate.

I was speechless. I felt like crying for that poor bird. I never understood why he had so much anger. I stood there for a couple of seconds in shock. 

"Chad, Are you coming?" He didn't seem angry anymore. He didn't seem sad, worried or happy. It was as if he didn't have any emotions. I slowly picked up my bag and started walking home.

Danny and I shared a room. We hardly see our mother. She is always working. Our dad died a few years ago. I believe that's what caused a lot of Danny's anger. He didn't know how to cope.

Danny idolized him. Always was willing to do anything dad did. 

"Chad? What are you doing?" He calmly asked.

"Just looking out the window?"

"Yeah, Why?"

"I don't know. Because I want to." I felt annoyed. He asked me meaningless questions like that all the time.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. He continued reading his book. Danny hated school and everything about it. However, he did love reading. He almost never did his homework, but he would read.

"What are you reading?" I ask.

"Its called "A small town". Its about this guy who visits the town and kills everyone." He continued reading. I was always disturbed by his book choices. They always had something to do with killing or torture or suicide. Whatever genre that was.

I, on the other hand, hated reading. I rather do pretty much anything else. I preferred watching movies. I never asked him why he liked those books. It would be like someone asking why red or blue or black is your favorite color? You don't really have the answer, it just is. I knew he wouldn't have the answer and I didn't want to fight.

"Hey, Danny?"

"What?"

"Why did you kill that bird today?" I asked calmly.

"It was pretty much dead anyway. It fell from a high branch. You wouldn't have been able to save it, ok."

"I mean, you acted like it wasn't a big deal."

"Because it wasn't."

"Killing that bird didn't make you feel bad?"

"No. There are a million other birds in the world. I was just putting that one out of its misery."

I sat there looking at him while he continued reading. I just couldn't understand his thought process.  I stayed silent as I took one last look out the window. I shut my curtain and got up.

"Mom isn't going to be home until later. Do you want something to eat?"

"Chad, you ask me this everyday. You know there's nothing to eat." I looked towards the ground. He was right. Mom worked constantly. She didn't make much money anyway, but the money she did make, she spent on herself.

I guess, in some way, I convinced myself that there was always going to be food tomorrow. Tomorrow would come, and it would repeat. Danny and I could only eat at school usually. That's why the weekends were so hard. And unfortunately this was a weekend.

After looking at the ground for a few seconds I went downstairs. I walked into the kitchen. I was so hungry, I would have eaten anything that was there. I see, mom's empty liquor bottles. She had new ones there everyday.

The kitchen always smelled musty and there was always a slight smell of alcohol from the bottles. I walked over to the fridge. I always closed my eyes for a few seconds, in the hopes that something, anything edible would be waiting for me.

I opened the door and opened my eyes. nothing was there except for two chocolate pudding cups. My eyes got wide and I quickly grabbed them. I grabbed two spoons and ran upstairs. I open the door.

"Danny look! I found something look!" I tossed him the cup and the spoon, while jumping up onto my bed. Danny gave me this scared look. I quickly opened the cup.

"Chad No!" He stared at me. I don't know if I've ever seen him so scared in my life.

"What?" I asked. He closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"Chad, those were mom's." He went silent for a few seconds trying to fix the situation. I was so confused. I wasn't sure on why he was scared, or how he knew that they were mom's. "Its ok." He said, "Maybe she won't notice. Maybe she'll think she was drunk when she ate that one."

"Danny, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Its ok. Look, you eat that. I'll put this one back in the fridge. Where was it?"

"It was on second self on the right side."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Its going to be ok." He gave me a hug before going downstairs. That was the first hug I had gotten from him in years. Something was going on, or he knew something. I just couldn't figure out what it was.