Fight or Flight [BNHA x reader]

It's in the eyes

Trigger: Slight gore in this chapter, there will be little gore in the future but necessary here. Borderline panic attack

You were around 9 when you were finally considered prepared enough to start the training for officially becoming an assassin, it was two years behind schedule but your parents could do nothing about it. You went through a series of tests to prove your training was worthwhile. Passing these tests were the difference between you staying home as a useless servant or taking your place in the Tenshi family. You did not want to disappoint, you couldn't. If it was anyone else, they'd be puking from the stress but you just felt...numb.

The physical portion of the testing went well for the most part. Flying had become second nature, it was the one thing you felt freedom in. The feeling of your wings raising you into the air as you moved made an unexplainable warmth curl in your abdomen and spread, relaxing your entire being. You were quick on your feet and quick in the air, twisting and twirling never hindered the speed of your flight, the only issue was your lack of ability to carry too much weight in the air.

Your brute strength was lacking greatly but you had found ways to combat that. Your father was built similar, lightweight and dainty, so although it was annoying to lack in strength it wasn't something anyone was too concerned with...as long as you were never left in just a battle of strength. It was a certainty you'd lose.

The main penalty you had received was with your attempt at manipulating light. You failed exponentially each time. Every time you tried to re-create that feeling you had the first time you activated it, you something felt...off, wrong and you didn't know what. You were barely able to produce enough light to coat your finger and trying to solidify it or mould it into anything was impossible. Your system would freeze even trying to produce light for a few seconds, the longest you lasted was a minute, nobody could find what was hindering your progress. Your mother had no difficulties with her quirk and so you were in uncharted—highly painful—territory.

The final assessment was making your first official kill.

That morning you had headed to the training room and was met with four men, each kneeling and their arms chained to poles behind them. Each man was bruised heavily, cuts and obvious contusions littering their exposed bits of skin. It was one thing to learn about harming other people it was another to see it, to see bruises on someone other than yourself.

Their emotions were plastered for everyone to see. You were transfixed at the sight, nobody was so expressive in your family. Sure, you'd seen smiles from your dad, anger, sadistic glee but you'd never seen people so afraid.

The man on the far left looked was shaking and his shoulders were slumped in a defeat. He was scared. When his golden eyes met with yours, you could see the puffiness and glassy redness as the tears poured down his face. They were the eyes of a man pleading, begging for his life. It was a look that you were never going to wear, pleading on purpose or not was weakness. You didn't ever want to see a look like that again, something so weak and helpless.

Anytime you had felt sadness like that, when you wanted to cry your father was there and the feeling was gone. Snuffed out like a candle in the wind. You didn't understand, crying was weak, it was for babies, so why was this man crying.

The man next to him was angry, his eyes were wide and bloodshot with rage. His teeth were bared like a feral animal cornered, he didn't want to die. It was so expressive, so hot compared to the cold anger and disappointment you had been met with by your family. You didn't know anger could be anything but cold.

The other men were blank, their eyes lifeless and already dead. They had given up already, resolved to die. It was so cold, it was how your eyes looked in the mirror sometimes. You had to wonder if you were fated for the same, to be empty in death as well as life. It was haunting, you couldn't meet either in the eye and flinched the first time you did.