Bypass Gemini

Chapter 21

Eight hours had passed, and Karter was just dusting off his hands after finishing the final piece of equipment. They were in the lab’s repair hanger once more, loading the inventor’s contributions into Lex’s ship. Karter had a broad grin on his face. On a normal man, a smile was a good sign. Considering the sort of things Lex had seen Karter say and do in just the short time he had known him, seeing him with a smile on his face was like seeing a chimp with a butcher knife; very unusual, and seldom a good thing.

“Man, it has been a while since I took that many alpha level projects and pushed them to feature complete beta in a single day. Hey, Ma. How much time before Lex here launches?” Karter asked.

“Based upon our current data acquisition rate and the distribution of debris in processed data, reliable windows suitable for Lex will be identifiable in less than twenty-five minutes.”

“Good, time enough for a celebration. Ma, hit up the stash. Two packs, and a couple of adult beverages.”

“Look, Karter, not that I don’t appreciate it, but if you were planning on offering one of those packs to me, you can skip it. I’m not sure I’d be able to survive whatever it is you celebrate with,”
Lex objected.

“Shut your face and grow a pair. I’m feeling hospitable, indulge me,” he said.

A door opened and one of the seemingly endless supply of mobile robotic arms that represented Ma when she needed to interact with physical objects rolled in. It was bearing a tray with a small stack of colorful packages carefully arranged on it, and the speed at which it had been fetched suggested that she had anticipated the request. Karter grabbed one and quickly tore the plastic wrapper off, unfolding an old fashioned paper carton and slipping out a dark red, rough looking cylinder, leaving five behind in the package.

“What is that, a cigar?” Lex asked, snagging a box from the tray and inspecting it.

“Better than that,” Karter said, running the item beneath his nose and inhaling the aroma in a decidedly cigar-like manner, “Cigars are inefficient addiction vectors. These babies are streamlined.”

It took Lex several moments to actually identify the product name. Whereas most things you’ll find on a store shelf have an attractive package with a clearly visible name, this one seemed to be composed entirely of multicolored fine print, detailing a list of health risks that ran from increased blood pressure to chemical dependency. Finally he realized that the lines and rows of colored letters were arranged like pixels to form the product’s logo.

“RJ Slims Vice Stix?!” Lex said scoffed.

Ever since the day man first dripped a coffee bean in chocolate, society had been heading down a slippery slope. It began a quest to combine all of the tiny, legal highs that the average person craves into a single, mass produced package. The inevitable conclusion to this noble pursuit was the very product that Lex now held in his hands. A result of the unholy union of tobacco companies and the snack industry, the “classic” RJ Slims were nicotine infused, caffeinated, maple cured, smoked meat sticks. Combining all of the best (and worst) parts of bacon, cigarettes, coffee, and candy, the only significant addictions they didn’t cater to were alcohol, opiates, and cannabis. These oversights were solved with “RJ Slims Kentucky Colonels,” “RJ Slims Orient Blend,” and “RJ Slims Herbal Blend” respectively. Their popularity was immediate, and despite a veritable arms race of warnings and taxes, they continued to sell exceptionally well for a number of years. First warnings on the packages, then commercials 90% composed of warnings of the consequences of over consumption. Sales slowed a bit once the clerks were legally obligated to deliver a 300 word verbal warning with each purchase, but it wasn’t until a certain event some years later that they were finally shoved from impulse counters around the galaxy.