Dear whomever shall read this,
I'm just the average teenage girl who struggles with average teenage life. There isn't anything special about me. I'm not in a gang, I don't have any life threatening disease. I'm just me. Sure, I've dealt with some stupid shit that most people haven't, but that doesn't make me special. It makes me slightly screwed up, but these diversities have made me stronger in the long run.
When I was younger, I moved schools. At the time, I didn't have any way to keep in contact with my old friends. The only people that I truly kept in contact with at the time is Laurel, Anna, Max, and Ty. Even then, I didn't see them a lot. Laurel. My childhood best friend. Our parents were close and we lived in the same neighborhood, so I got to see her more than most. We still are best friends today. Anna. Another best friend. She lived two houses down from me, and we were inseparable from the day we met. That was until I moved houses. From that point on, we never really talked. Max and Ty. I was never really that close with Ty, but when he moved to my new school, we got closer again. Max I was always close with, and when we started to go to church together, our bond grew.
Another stupid diversity is I've lost a lot of people in my life. It always happens. Wether it be death or just life happening.
Growing up, I used to hangout with this guy, Tyler (this was when I was still at my old school). Well, Tyler got cancer. I don't really remember much from when it happened. It was a very long time ago. All I remember was laying in my parents bed watching Spongebob, and my mom walking in and telling me the news. Tyler died. I remember screaming and crying more than I ever had before. I don't think that people ever really understood how I felt about that, because me and Tyler's friendship wasn't publicly known. We didn't hangout at school, and we didn't have social media to show off who we were. All I know, is that his death still hurts today.
Then flash forward past me moving schools. I was in 6th grade. My grandmother, Nina, had been battling cancer for 3 years. She decided to stop treatment, something I never truly understood until recently. I walk into my living room one morning, and just see my mom on the floor sobbing. We drove to her house, and there she was. In my room. Dead. I sat in there with her for what felt like hours. I think my mom was scared to move from the room. I think that she thought it was good for me to say goodbye life that. Well. That shit fucked me up in the head. She died in my bed. The bed I slept in when I went over there every weekend. The room where we would play games and color. The house where I practically grew up. My Nina, the women that I was closer to than my own mother, died where we spent the most time. It's almost ironic. After her death, I went into a state of depression that only a select few people know about.
Flash forward to my freshman year of high school. My best friend. My soul sister. My closest confidant. Bella. She moves to Colorado. Bella never called me or texted me after she left. It felt like a piece of me had been ripped out of my chest. It sucked. I had to start my life over. I had no other close friends. My life had revolved around Bella. It was like having to move schools all over again.
Flash forward to my Sophomore year of high school. I was at a party, something that was typical of me after Bella left. I met this lovable, fun guy Reece. He was such a joy and so much fun to be around. Notice how I used "was." Reece killed himself that night. Within an hour of us leaving that party, Reece went home and hung himself. I still can't grasp what caused it. He seemed so happy and alive at that party. I think I was one of the last people to talk to him that night. I wish that there was something I could've said or done.
Ever since Reece, life has been the typical mixture of good and bad. I constantly stay in trouble for doing stupid shit, but I have the best of friends. I have parents who love me. I have a good life. I just don't love life I guess.
So here is me. Here I am. Today. At this very second. Sitting down, and typing out all this dumb shit. I'm me. I'm Hannah. A tall, blonde girl. Not very athletic, but I love watching sports. Fun, easy-going Hannah. Hannah who deals with anxiety and depression, but only few people know. Hannah who constantly fears someone leaving her. Hannah who feels like she has to please everyone and make sure their lives are okay, but doesn't give two shits about her own. Hannah who loves unconditionally. That's me. Average, typical teenager Hannah. Nice to meet you.
