Reprise|| Spencer Reid

17 (epilogue)

Spencer
JJ is my best friend.

She's been by my side through everything, and without her I'd certainly be dead.

There are so many times where I'd done something stupid because I'd been arrogant; because I'd been snarky, and thought I was better than everyone else due to my impressive intellect.

But in the end, my intelligence means nothing. It means I can do a math problem better than the person next to me, but when it comes down to what's actually important.. I'm utterly screwed.

I thought I could do it by myself. I thought I could prove myself to the rest of my team by making an arrest without any help.

But the ideal outcome of my team seeing me as more than a brain with a mop of curly hair wasn't what happened.

I ruined myself again. I got into trouble and I don't know if I'll ever recover.

I still don't know what I've learned from this. Was I supposed to have learned something from this?

Emily placed me on a mandatory three-week sabbatical. I'm grateful she didn't fire me, but I still feel numb.

I guess I'm just an unlucky person. I can't escape. No matter what I do or who I'm with, I seem to be a magnet for the terrible things. They follow me and change me as a person until I don't know how to live with myself.

I don't want this to be the end of my story: me spiraling and losing myself all over again.

I need to try to find a way to live with myself, before these scars become all I know.