Date: June 6, 2019
I'm confused about my sexuality. I might be gay because I THINK I'm having sexual thoughts about my best friend(a girl). But, I think I'm straight because I'm having sexual thoughts about my ex- best friend(a boy). I don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to them, obviously. And I can't talk to my mom because she already thinks AND WANTS me to be gay. And I can't talk to my deadbeat dad because he wants me to be straight. I can't even talk to my aunt, as much as I want to, because my mom said I can't anymore.
For the past few days, I've been crying for no apparent reason alone in my bed. Of course, there is a reason, I just don't know what it is. Maybe it does have to do with my sexuality, or maybe it's because everything in my life is messed up. My mom is in the middle of a mid- life crisis. My dad can't afford my Blazettes fee. Again, my sexuality. And I was informed today that I can't get my first job. I just want to be able to relax; I want something good to happen tomorrow.
I don't think I can pray because I believe in A God, but not the one that everyone else believes in. Maybe, I guess, this is a way for me to 'pray'. I hope it works.
This is going to be my 'diary' from now on. I know it's going to be public, and I want it to be so that I can get feedback on what to do. I know that there's a possible chance that the people I'm talking about in this will eventually find out, but I don't care anymore.
