A Letter To Myself

Dublin.

​There it is, the newspaper, sitting right on the table. This room isn't that huge that you could have moved your sight elsewhere, even if it is, I don't think you will be able to look away for too long. There was it. Your dream. An opportunity lies within the pages and I can sense that your head is dizzy.

Do you remember when you started having this thought that you have got the possibility to be an established writer? Was it when you were in Grade 2 ? Aladdin. The book you won 7 years ago and you still have it. I remember how protective you were of that book, fought with everyone to keep when spring cleaning season was around. You were so inspired by the book that you knew you wanted to become a writer. The log book you kept hidden from mother because you were afraid what her reaction will be. I know how angry she can get if she found out you have been doing the same thing she hated behind her back.

Mother. Isn't she is the reason you wanted to leave ? Wishing to pack your bags as soon as possible and leave the home. Moving far from where you come from. You always knew this place isn't for you. You always knew. And here was it, the opportunity to make your dream to become an inevitable reality. You knew the exact price you have to pay in order if you want to live this dream and you are afraid. You are afraid of mother, again. I remember how you were always heart-broken because you were left with nothing but immense helplessness when it came to her.

Sometimes, I wish she wasn't who she was with you. She did scarred you deeply, didn't she? Anyways, I heard things happened in school. Ms Petty confiscated the love letter you wrote for your crush. I am sorry that you had to go through the humiliation in front of all the kids that bullied you, and it was totally not fair. She should have been more subtle about it but again, she is a Mathematics teacher ; I don't think she knew much about psychology. I hope you will forgive Ms Petty for doing what she did to you - she was trying her best to please people that she though really mattered. We all make the same mistake, don't we ? Don't carry burdens that do not belong to you.

You are looking at the newspaper again. It is too late, isn't it? You took awhile to write the essay but you were too afraid to go to the post office or pass this to your father for submission. It is 15 June, and the submission closing date was on the 14th. There goes your chance to be part of the delegate to Dublin.  Don't cry, and I know that it is hurting you deeply. Helplessness is a culprit. Breaks your heart over and over again yet I feel that you could have muster up some courage and find the energy to get it submitted but fear held you back.

F-E-A-R.

I hope you learned your lesson and won't let fear take hostage of your senselessness again. I hope and I really hope that all that happened or going to happen will build you a castle of courage and a bridge of hope to get over from where you are right. I hope when you read this letter, you know at the back of your head, what really went wrong. Don't blame and cry yourself to bed. Writing this letter, I realized that you allowed fear to take control but you were always so strong to face the consequences. I am proud of you.