First

After

Y/N POV

I breathe, nervous. But determined to please. Jay hasn't touched me at all for the past two months. He knows that I'm broken. But, seeing Jack being sentenced to life yesterday, finally made me able to move on. 

I hear the TV in the bedroom

newsman: "A few months ago Jack Bartley was arrested, Police found a young woman and a young man in the basement. When investigators looked through the house they discovered something shocking. Ten girls were being kept in a cellar. All of them showed evidence of rape and abuse. Yesterday Jack Bartely was sentanced to life for committing several crimes, Rape, Kidnap, Abuse, Robbery and First degree Murder, Investigators are astounded by his-"

The TV turned off.

"Sorry, didn't know they were going to talk about that." I hear Jay say from the other room.

"It's fine, honestly, I don't feel scared or pitiful. I'm just glad it's over and he's been sentenced.

I hear Jay begin to move into the bathroom. "No!" I yell. I'm not ready!

"What?!" Jay says in a panicked voice. 

"Don't come in here. Just give me a minute." I hear him walk back into the room and hear the bed creak as he sits down on it.

Okay.... You're okay. He loves and respects you and if I don't do this now, I'll never truly get over anything. Also, I need Jay badly. I wanted him before the incident and I want him just as badly now. I should be terrified to have sex, but it's different. Jack and I didn't have sex, he didn't take my virginity and he wasn't my first. He forced it, that's not how love works.

I sigh and stand up straight. I give my self one more look. I'm wearing red lingerie. The bra is lacy and I can see my nipples through the thin fabric. My underwear, if you can call it that, is a string that covers all but a strip down my front. I know that if I shift just a little I'll reveal myself. I smile, take a deep breath and leave the bathroom.

Jay looks up from the book he's reading and his eyes widen.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" He's blushing and adverts his eyes.

"I-" I take a deep breath, I've been practicing what I want to say to him for awhile.

" I'm ready. Jay I've been ready for forever. I know that with everything that happened I shouldn't feel such an intense need for you, but I can't help it. You've been so patient with me and so understanding. So..." I stop, looking down at my hands. "So, I want you to take me tonight. I want you to take me and make me yours." I hear him inhale deeply.

"Y/N, are you sure you're ready? I don't want to bring up memories."

"Jay, in my opinion, I'm still a virgin. I've never had sex. I don't count what that scum did to me, because I never gave consent and I never enjoyed it. But Jay, I give you consent, I want you. So, please be my first." I'm blushing and I kick myself. I'm supposed to be sexy, not an awkward shy little girl.

I hear Jay stand up and he comes to hug me. I hug him back, taking in his sweet smell.

"I-" He inhales "I'll try, but if you feel uncomfortable or scared, or anything other than pleasure or fun, you have to tell me right away." I nod.

"I'm serious. I know how you always put my happiness before yours, but this isn't a time for that. You don't even have to tell me to stop directly. You can.... I don't know. Say bananas or something." I giggle at his suggestion.

"Okay, I'll say bananas if I feel uncomfortable with anything. But could you do me one solid?" 

"Anything."