Spin

Chapter Nine

In the first twenty-four hours of my sobriety, I thought it wasn't going to be so bad. I could barely hold my eyes open, but I knew I needed the sleep. At forty-eight hours, I felt like I was coming down with the flu. My body ached. My stomach churned. I was freezing but also sweating so much I soaked the sheets I was fitfully tossing and turning on. When the  seventy-two hour mark rolled around, the rage kicked in. I screamed horrible things at Spin and Cody every chance I got. I threw things, shattering dishes when they made attempts to get me to eat and pummeling Spin with my fists when he tried to comfort me.  By the fourth day,  I was pleading for a hit. 

 "Just a bump," I begged, tears streaming down my face as my stomach constricted and I vomited all over the floor of my bedroom.  "Please!" When they denied me, gazing at me with  patient, pitying eyes, I erupted,  throwing everything I could get my hands on, not caring if I inflicted any harm on them. Why should I? Couldn't they see how much pain I was in? Couldn't they see that I was dying? "You should've left me alone! You should've let the coke kill me! It would've been easier than this!"

On day five, our parents made a brief appearance at home. I could hear my mother telling Spin that they had been dealing with a very high maintenance and very difficult client  but they had worked their magic and just closed on a massive home. They were off to the mountains to celebrate. In the Howard family, that is code for, "We just spent days wining and dining rich people and we are exhausted from the buckets of money we had to carry home. We are taking off for a few more days to recover. You guys don't mind, right?" 

I was curled up on the bathroom floor during this exchange between my mother and my brother, and it wasn't until after she was finished speaking that she seemed to notice my absence.  Or maybe the sound of my violent dry heaving wafted down the stairs and tipped her off that something wasn't quite right. 

"Is Lexi okay? What's wrong with her?" She didn't sound overly concerned.  She mainly just sounded disgusted.  I could picture her wrinkling her nose at the thought of dealing with a sick child. She was probably backing towards the door,  more eager than ever to leave.

 "It's just the flu, Mom. I'm taking care of her. Cody's taking care of her. She's fine," Spin said convincingly, even though I had seen the raw fear in his eyes hours before when I had voiced my concern that I was truly dying.

"Just keep an eye on her, Spencer. Don't let her get dehydrated," I heard my mother say. If she only knew that dehydration was probably the last thing to be worried about.  

"Mom..." Spin groaned.

"All right, all right. If she gets worse, take her to the emergency room."

 I nearly laughed as stomach acid spewed past my lips. Take me to the emergency room? And say what? Um, a little help? Don't worry, she isn't contagious. It's just cocaine withdrawal. 

"They're gone," Spin informed me several minutes later as he entered the bathroom and crouched down next to me."How you holding up?"

I couldn't control the bark of laughter that escaped as my body shuddered violently, my muscles constricting and sending a ripple of agony down my spine. I collapsed against the wall. 

"Just peachy," I snapped, regretting my harshness instantly. After countless hours of fury at the boys, I had finally realized that nobody was to blame but myself. Spin dampened a washcloth in the sink and pressed the cool fabric to my forehead.

"It's going to be over soon. Maybe a few more days at the most. You're doing great." Spin's voice was soft, his gentleness sending another ache through me, this time in my heart. I opened my mouth to speak, but my stomach constricted viciously, and I scrambled for the toilet. Spin brushed my hair away from my face. He was acting so confident and in control, but I could feel the tremble of his hands against my scalp. Neither of us heard Cody climbing the stairs. 

"Hey, beautiful," he announced when he reached us, startling us both. I lifted my head and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, staring at him with bloodshot eyes. He held a bouquet of red and yellow roses. 

"If you are looking for someone beautiful, I think you're in the wrong place," I joked weakly, my voice hoarse.

"You've always been beautiful," Cody assured me kindly.

Hot tears welled in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. 

"It's okay, Lex," Cody said, kneeling beside me and reaching for me. I knew they both thought I was crying from the pain, but this time, it was so much more than that. A different, more raw kind of pain. 

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed. "I--"

"Don't. Any apologies can wait until you're better," Spin interrupted.

"No!" I gasped through the tears. "It can't. I know how much I've been hurting you both, and I never wanted to. I'm so sorry. I almost lost the two most important people in my life. I love you both and I'm so sorry." 

I was uncertain they were able to understand anything I said because I was crying so hard, my breath coming in ragged sobs.

"Yeah, it hurt us. More than you will probably ever know," Spin said finally, confirming they had understood my broken apology. "But we never stopped loving you. We never stopped fighting for you."

"We never will," Cody added, rubbing my back as he spoke. 

"We both forgave you a long time ago, Lex. It's okay," Spin said. 

The tenderness of the moment ended abruptly as bile rose in my throat. I threw up. Again and again, I gagged and puked until there couldn't possibly be anything left, and even then, my stomach twisted, every nerve ending in my body ablaze with agony. Finally, I was too exhausted and weak to even throw up anymore, falling asleep on the floor, the tile cool against my burning flesh. I was unaware of how much time had passed as my eyes fluttered open slightly, just enough to see Cody and Spin sitting against the bathtub, playing cards. I smiled, too tired to speak, unable to hold my eyes open any longer. We spent two more days camped out in the bathroom, neither of them ever leaving my side.