Violet sat quietly in the busy classroom, paying all her attention to the rain dripping down the window. All her classmates were decorating for the holiday season. It's not that she didn't enjoy the joyous holidays, it was just always hard. Seeing all the happy faces and laughter surrounding her and knowing she could never join in made her heart sink into her gut. She hated this about herself. However deep inside, she knew it was for the best. She never deserved love. Never will.
"Violet, will you help me hang this up?" A short girl with curly pigtails asked bashfully. Olivia was her name. Violet only knew this because they've shared the same classes since kindergarten and now to junior year of high school. Violet nodded and stood from her uncomfortable chair.
Olivia held a large banner saying; "Happy Holidays!" Violet stood on a wooden chair and stapled it neatly above a large window that took up most of the wall. Olivia squealed. "Oh, it looks amazing!" She captured Violet in a tight hug. "Thank you!" Violet chuckled awkwardly and patted the girl's head.
Violet escaped to an empty bathroom in the large school. She leaned on the porcelain sink, breathing heavy, and scanned her reflection. Her black wavy hair tickled her lower back. A black hoodie covered her arms and chest. Lavender eyes stared back at her. She wasn't super tall, but she wasn't short either.
Thoughts ran through Violet's mind at lightning speed. Everyone is a lair. No one really cares. Everyone hates you. They think I'm a cold-hearted bitch. Well, of course they would, you're always alone. Shut up, shut up!
This was almost a daily procedure. After nearly three hours of classes, surrounded by people Violet would leave to the bathroom to clear her running mind. If she didn't she would become irritated and anxious, often snapping at people for no valid reason.
Her breath steadied and her thoughts calmed. Leaving to go back to class, she ran into a boy an inch or so taller than her. He had purposely messy dark brown hair with bright blue eyes. Violet tripped over her own feet and brought them both down to the ground with a thud.
"I'm so sorry! I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking!" Violet stammered nervously. She hated causing a raucous.
The boy smiled at her nervousness. "It's alright, neither was I," He stood up and helped Violet in the process. "My name's Tyler. What's yours?" Tyler held his hand out. Violet smiled shyly, but kept her hands to herself. She had to admit, the boy was very handsome, which made her nervous. They held eye contact that made Violet a bit uncomfortable.
She cleared her throat and tore her eyes away, targeting them on the dirty teal carpet. "I should get back to class."
"Oh, yeah. Of course. See you around?"
"Yeah." Violet walked away quickly. Leaving the boy watching her briefly before continuing to his own class.
That same day at lunch the storm clouds let down a light drizzle. Violet stayed in the library, instead of alone in the cafeteria. Her hands cradled a new book she bought a few days ago. Though her journey into the new world was put on hiatus when someone sat next to her. She hesitantly looked up from behind the paper.
Tyler smiled at her. "Whatcha readin'?"
She looked at him questioningly. "A book." He could read the title himself. Violet could hear the rain becoming heavier and see flashes of lightning.
"What's it about." He studied the cover. A black spikey dragon wrapped himself around the title. Dark, smokey desolated ruins filled the rest of the page.
"I don't know yet; I couldn't start it." She glared at him. Oh, how she wished he would leave.
Tyler blushed. "Sorry." Silence filled the air around them as Violet looked down to her book, unable to focus on the words in his presence, though unwilling to attempt conversion. Tyler chewed his lip, probably a nervous habit from childhood. "Do you have calculus?"
"Yeah, next period. Why?" The girl's eyes never leaving the thick pages of the book.
"Would you mind helping me?" The brunette rubbed his neck and smiled sheepishly.
Violet sighed, putting the book down. "Sure."
"How are you feeling today?" Ms. Sanchez asked in a cool voice.
Violet crossed her ankles on the artificial leather couch. A sandalwood scented candle burned on the coffee table. Tiny potted plants spotted the room. Rain thumped at the two narrow windows, giving a noisy, but comfortable soundtrack. "I don't know. Maybe sadness? Maybe nothing? I'm not sure."
Violet's grandparents had signed her up for therapy. With her mother gone, due to a drug overdose, and a father she never met things have been hard. Not to mention the boyfriend that cheated on her for months. She was diagnosed with philophobia, the fear of love, a month ago. No one would understand her, hell she doesn't understand it.
"People are just so much to handle. With their smiles, laughter. It makes me want to claw my eyes out." The teen explained. Ms. Sanchez wrote something down and crossed her legs. She contemplated telling her about Tyler. The girl thought little of new people, but she undoubtably noticed their presence.
"Have you found an outlet to help these feelings?"
Violet chewed her lip. "Nothing good."
"So, you've tested things?"
"A few. Music, art, sports." The woman took more notes and a soft piano started playing.
"It appears our time is up." Violet nodded and grabbed her school bag, slinging it over her shoulder. "Violet," The girl turned before opening the door. "Try opening up to someone, about little things. Then tell me about it next week." She turned and walked out. Down two flights of stairs to meet her grandma waited for her in the bright, spacious lobby.
Her grandmother smiled at the girl. "How was it, sweetheart?" She held a blue umbrella over both of them as they walked out to an old, fragile car, bound to die soon.
Violet knew she didn't really care. She never did. But, she played along. "It was good. What's for dinner?"
"Potato stew." Of course, just like every night.
