Tomorrow's another day

One year later

"You can't love someone unless you love yourself." 

I call bullshit. I've never loved myself, but you, you, oh god how do I explain it. I love you so much you make me forgot what pain is. I know it's sappy, and supper cliche. But it's true. You, you are my everything, love, life, sun, day, and night. Alex will you go out with me.

That's what I want to say, but I don't even know if he's into guys. What if he says no? What if he's against it. No he's not, but what if. That's why I can't. Mia, my best friend says I should just ask him out. But it's not that easy, I'm not even out yet! It makes this so hard. I would write letters, but even with anonymity making it easier to be brave. I still don't feel it's the right move. In other words, I'm chickenshit. It hurts not being with him. I forgot about all of the pain and hurts when I'm with him. I want him to be in, and with me. And who can blame me. He's smart, kind, and incredibly hot. 

"MICRO"  I hear in the background 

"MICRO" I look up to see Ms. White staring at me, I kinda forgot I was daydreaming in class. Act stupid 

"Yes?" I shoot back to parry her first attack.

"Why where you sleeping?" She strikes back, but I'm prepared.

"I was reading my book" my voice cracked, it always did when I lied but, I thought I had suppressed it. I still managed deflected her shot I saw her stare I knew she knew I was lying.

"You know your voice crackers when your lying right." I would you another fencing term but I don't know one for pulling out a gun and shooting me in the face. And she was right of course but I didn't want to admit it.

"So if you weren't reading what where you doing?" 

Daydreaming simple, about him. Alexander aka Alex, but I'm in Missouri I don't know how she'll react about it. The state is becoming even more red with each day and I don't know when to say it. Or when to come out even to teachers. I don't feel it's time yet. So I just say daydreaming. She took this as an acceptable answer and moved on.

The bell rang so I pick up my stuff, when Alex walked up to me. We were friends so this was to be expected. 

"Do you want to hang out later" his deep yet soothing voice