Such a Softer Sin [COMPLETE]

Such a Softer Sin Chapter 37

Connor has nightmares and Murphy's sexually frustrated.

Intense Murphy goodness ahead.

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A few days had passed since the darker twin had returned home and things had been intense for the three of them. Dealing with something so traumatic was hard for all of them and they were helping each other through it, whilst trying to deal with their own take on it. Connor and Lila had gone through the whole thing together, but with different perspectives. Connor from the brother's point of view, the devout Catholic point of view. Lila from the lover's point of view, from someone whose faith had once again wavered in the moment of hardship. Murphy though, his take on the whole thing was a unique one. It had happened to him after all. He hadn't been there to watch it as it happened, to offer a helping hand, to break down or fucking murder someone like he knew he would have if it had been Connor that died. He had been down for the count, and he only knew what happened through the memories Connor had pushed onto him. Connor really hadn't wanted to resort to that, Murphy was a sensitive soul, he took on everyone's fucking pain and Connor knew it would be so much easier for the boy to not have known that pain at all. But with Murphy cracking jokes, Connor knew he just really didn't understand it from their point of view. He had to experience it with them so he could see just how serious it was.

So Murphy was dealing with memories that weren't his own, feelings that weren't his own. He was glad Connor had shown him, let him feel, because it gave him much needed perspective on the whole thing that he wouldn't have had otherwise. It helped him when he needed to be there for his brother or their girl. There had been plenty of tears the past few days, mainly Lilas since Connor was compartmentalising shit again. Murphy found it rich that his twin was telling Lila she had to let it out when he himself was stuffing it away. But he also knew the pair were different. Lila was emotional anyway, more like him in that way than his brother, whereas Connor didn't know any better, this was how he dealt with things. They needed to deal with their shit in the way they usually did to get through it. If Connor started acting like Murphy to get through this, it might mess him up just as much as it had Lila when she tried to act like Connor. They had to stay true to themselves and handle it their own way.

It wasn't that Connor was pushing it away or not dealing with it. He had his moments, fuck knows he had his moments. He broke down a couple of times and even had a screaming match with Lila at one point just because Murphy choked on his food. It wasn't her fault, of course it wasn't, and Murphy just inhaled it, far too greedy after missing her wonderful cooking. But the fear of losing his twin had seeped so far into his bones that a mere fucking cough on his food had snapped him and he had blamed the girl. Murphy had been mortified, it had given him a taste of his own medicine from every time he had shouted at the girl and Connor had looked on horrified. He knew what that felt like now. But before he could jump in to defend her, the lass had lost her shit, screaming back at him and suddenly the food was being fucking flung around the place like monkeys throwing shit at each other at the zoo. Murphy blinked at them, wondering what fucking planet he was on when he was the one sat there calm as he watched them, their chests heaving as they glared at each other. He told them to cut it right out or he'd willingly go and sleep on Rocco's couch, and that shut them right up and they cleaned the loft together. Luckily they hadn't shouted at each other since.

The air in the loft was tense, the whole thing still loomed over them but they were getting through it one day at a time. Murphy felt a little better each day and that was helping things. He tried his best to be himself, cracking jokes, being sassy, playing pranks, and he knew it was making the pair feel better at seeing him being normal. He wasn't so much traumatised by what happened, he hadn't been there, he was just dealing with the after-effects of it, to see the two people he loved feeling this way and knowing exactly what they had been through. He was being strong for them both, he still cried of course, whenever Lila broke down and clung onto him like he might float away, when he felt her raw pain. He cried with her. And then there were Connors fucking nightmares.