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" She was my light, heart and soul. She was so dear to me, and I will forever miss her."
For the most part my family was always happy. We were a tight knit family. We did everything together. We all loved each other. That was until my sisters murder three months ago, and now that perfect family image has been thrown out the window. We have been ripped apart. All those memories we have made together, they linger upon us, but it hurts so much to look back on those knowing she is gone and forever will be. It's all that ever occurs. Those bittersweet memories replay over and over again to the point I want to die myself.
Everything reminds me of her. Everywhere I go, it's all her. I can't even take a stroll without someone asking if my parents and I are doing alright. And I feel so bad when I lie to them and tell them we are recovering well, because we aren't. I would have thought that I would have been better now since it's been three months, but I'm not. She was my sister. She was my light, heart and soul. She was so dear to me and I will forever miss her. Sometimes I just go into her old room and just relish in the warmth. Even though she's gone I feel her. I feel her everywhere. I just want to be able to hear her voice again. Fell her touch one last time. She didn't deserve this. I ask myself everyday, why her? She had her whole life laid out for her. She was a poster child. Why her?
It tears me apart knowing that I won't be able to see her wedding, or her fist child. It pains me that I know she is no longer here. But every now and then I creep into her room and lay in her bed and bask in the warmth of it. My mom comes in here everyday and cleans. I guess it's sort of a relief for her? Or some sort of getaway? I help her sometimes as well. Just to lessen the pain a little and it helps.
My name is Park Sooyoung. I'm the girl that had her sister murdered three months ago. Park Chaerin, a very enthusiastic, vibrant and beautiful girl. She was just getting ready to graduate college and become a professional ballerina. She was 25 years old, about to turn 26 a week after she was murdered. She had the kindest souls with such a big and caring heart. She was a very talented dancer. More talent that I would ever have. And it showed with all of the competitions she won, all of those awards and trophies. She was just perfect.
And then there was me. I know I may sound a little envious and that's because I am. Now don't get me wrong, I love Chae and I always will. I just can't help but say that I always came in second to my parents. They always made me feel like I didn't even exist. I tried so hard for many years to have at least a quarter of Chaes talent. Only for me to get shut down and to be told that I need to try harder and that I will never make it. I always came in second. It was no doubt that my parents loved Chae more than me. I know they did. They always kicked me to the curb. And now that she's gone who are they going to cheer on at recitals? It sure as hell ain't going to be me. For all the times that I have been a ballerina I have only seen my parents go to four of my recitals. That says a lot about their love for me. But that's okay because I love them enough to forgive them.
That leads me here, in Chaes room. Her fragrance engulfing me in a tight warm hug. The sunlight shining through the window and the breeze bringing goosebumps to my skin every now and then. I get up and walk around the room, I go to the boxes that litter the floor, with big bold words that read "Donations". I pick up a shirt of hers and hold up to my face, sniffling the faint perfume that still lingered on it. Tears brimming my eyes I can't help but be taken back to a memory of us on the beach, Chae wore the same shirt that day. She looked so beautiful and was absolutely stunning. Without even realizing the tears that brimmed my eyes had now slid my cheeks. My cheeks now puffy and red as I bawled my heart to it's content. I take the shirt with me and fold it nicely. Knocks flood the room. I'm brought back to reality when my mother opens the door. She sees my broken frame and immediately understands.
She pulls me into a deep hug, one I haven't felt in a long time. "Why her mom? Why Chae?" I said. Tears continuing their fall, now landing on my moms shoulder. My body shaking and hiccups now coming.
"I know baby. I know." Is all she tells me. We stand like this for a couple of minutes. My loud cries now reduced to quiet whimpers now. My mother's hand running over my head and back, still hugging and caressing. My father walks in and sees our current state. He gives us a small smile before he joins the hug. Now we all enjoy each other's presence and bask in warmth of each other's embrace. It will be a long journey of recovery and healing but as long as we have each other it will be alright.
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Next morning 10:15 am Seoul Cemetery
I've decided to come visit one last time before we leave. Of course it won't be the last time but it will for a very long time.
"I brought you more flowers, they are your favorite, sunflowers. I thought you'd like them. They smell beautiful." I kneel down and dust off her headstone. I replace the old flowers with the new ones I got her. I sit down next to her grave and stare down at it. My hands roaming the dirt and drawing patterns.
"I miss you everyday. We all do. But I really think it's me that misses you the most." I chuckle softly. The warm sunlight sinking into my skin. The breeze swaying around us. Time stops and it's just us two. I caress her headstone again.
"I really am going to miss all of those late night talks and us sneaking out of the house for ice cream. Mom and dad still haven't found out about that yet by the way." I smile warmly down at her grave. Knowing that she's doing the same to me. I feel her presence. I feel her warmth and her happy and vibrant self. It's so strong. I know she's here. "I know you're here Chae. Can you give me a hug or do something. I just wanna make sure you are doing alright." I really just wanted to feel her. I know she's doing fine. I just wanted some sort of reformation that she was here. Quickly I felt a warmth engulf me. She's here. "I feel you Chae. Thank you so much." Tears of happiness roll down my cheeks. It surprises me. I haven't felt this way in quite a long time. I gently touch the necklace that Chae had given to me for my 18 th birthday.
"Thank you Chae. I love you so much." I slowly get up and dust myself off. I walk back to my car and drive home. I'm glad to know that she's doing alright and that I was able to feel her. I know she's going just fine and that makes me happy.
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I hope I didn't make anybody cry. But this is the first chapter. Get ready for more! Here is how the necklace looks.
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