Loving Yourself |K.TH| -COMPLETED-

(6)

MIN JI HOON

Classes were extremely boring, I knew everything they were trying to teach me.

It was frustrating to hear the other kids ask questions that the teacher had already clearly and carefully explained.

I look behind me and see Jungkook with his hand raised, so I snapped around in my chair and asked him what his problem was.

He looks at me with a lost look in his eyes, it slowly turns into a bright eyed realization as he moves himself and his paper closer, also moving the desk as close as it would allow, he then explains what he hadn't understood. Letting out a sigh, I take my pencil and give him a step-by-step explanation of the problem and how to do it. He nods as he understands what I've said.

"Thank you Ji Hoon! You're so smart!" He tells me and I shake my head instantly.

"I'm not." I reply, and he waves his hands in front of me. "You are!" He insists with persistence in his voice, "I'm not, this is just easy. You're not getting it because you won't pay attention. You're too busy drawing." I reply, and he gives me a hurt look.

"This is calculus Ji Hoon, if you can understand it that easy you're defiantly smart." He huffs and leans back from me.

I can hear him mumbling a few things to himself as he looks over his worksheet, and I turn back around in my seat with my arms crossed.

Then the bell rings.

MIN YOONGI

My bag is thrown over my shoulder as I walk home, earbuds in my ears, but no music playing.

"Yoongi!" I hear her voice again, but I ignore.

"Yoongi!!!" She calls again, seeming out of breath as she catches up to walk next to me— again, I ignore. I hear her sigh and she just continues to walk beside me.

Slowly and cautiously, we reach our house.

Before I was able to reach my hand to the doorknob, I could hear things thrashed around inside the house.

"He's really upset today." She says, knowing I can hear her and what's happening behind this closed door. I turn the knob anyways, knowing nothing will happen to me and I walk past the man throwing mom's used to be beloved china around the room. I walk up the creaky stairs and down the dark hallway to my bedroom, dropping my empty bag on the floor and closing my door, shutting everything out as well as I could.

"I like this silence between us Ji Hoon." I whisper to myself as I sit at my desk, opening my notebook, looking at my lyrics.

"I remember that moment,
Way taller than my height.
The brown piano that guided me.
I looked up to you, I yearned for you,
When I touched you with my small finger"
"I feel so nice mom I feel so nice
I played the piano wherever my hands took me..."

Slowly my fingers are playing the imaginary piano my hands yearn to feel.

My brain is longing for the tone of the keys to hit my ears as I hit the imaginary note.

"I didn't know your significance back then.
Back then I was content just looking at you"

"I do miss you, but I hate you." I whisper to myself as I close my eyes, still playing that imaginary piano, but instead of hearing that wonderful tone I wish for, I hear the screaming of Ji Hoon.

Now instead of imagining a piano in front of me, I see Ji Hoon, my baby sister, curled up on the ground, trying to protect herself from our unmerciful father, this is what I now see behind my eyelids.

Instead of my hands playing an imaginary piano, they our holding that image of Ji Hoon in a comforting manner.

She is trembling.

She is struggling.

She is broken.

I stand up, getting out of my chair, and walk downstairs, I see my father overtop Ji Hoon, my baby sister, making sure she remembers who's fist is hitting her face, and I find myself building the courage up, I rush over and shove him away, making sure he knows who's fist is punching his face.

I can help her.

I just have to remember who I am.

I am not useless.

I can do something to help.

I will do something to help.

I've got a long way to go, but I will work on finding myself.

My baby sister.
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L O V E Y O U R S E L F

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