You're much too late.

Bones

           A fucking hell of a ride from here to there, a hell of a ride you've made for us. With your issues and lies it feels like I'm entangled in your life more than you are. You and all your monsters. Seems like this whole book has been written in your honor, congrats! You've caused so much hurt and worry that now I need a place to vent. So in your honor I will write about you and all your hurt and monsters that I love so dearly. Seems like you know I write about you but you still ignore me. But not when you need me. Not at 3 AM this morning when you told me you hurt so much that you're scared. When you told me your monsters that I love so dearly are taking over. Being better than you could ever be. And when they told me you'd given up and gone away I worried, you never liked me anyways. You lied to me, we aren't there for each other now. I'm there for you, that's different. What about me? What about the nights I cry and wish for someone to tell me that I'm not dying, I'm just living my life. What about the times I get hurt by some scum boys, do you care? When I call and call begging you to help me as you sit there and read every single message taunting me with your green eyes. A distraction is what my mother would call you, a blonde haired distraction. She always told me I attracted people who hurt me. People who don't have their lives together who go looking for people like me to use as glue and tape all the while making me feel loved. All the times you weren't around, did you worry? At least HE worried about me. Making sure I felt loved and wanted by you, even though you didn't care. Down, you crumble one day and I won't be there to pick you up once again. Because you've left me one to many times I have no choice but to let you go and hope for the best. You, in your true form terrify me. A bomb is what you are and I'm addicted to creating them. Maybe it's all my fault you are like this, I wish I never would've taken that stupid red shirt home that day. I poured everything I had left into you and your monsters. At least they thought I was amazing when they met me. But you didn't. You never thought any good about me and I wonder how you can live with yourself. All the times you werent around he was, but he can't feel love can he. Even if he tried so hard to love me it'd be up to you. Everythings about you. Anything for you. I don't think this next time around I can stay. I really don't have any want or need to stay for you any longer. And as I plan to leave once again I can here you begging me to stay, but it'd be for you. Everything was always about you. I sit here and write this in hopes I can find a good part to show you, in hopes maybe you'll realize that this whole time I've shown you snippits of these it's always been about you or him. About how you hurt me so deeply I vent all this out to people willing to read it. People who think my writing is beautiful. To the person who comes to my rescue, I love you. To the boy who's monsters haunt him though the monsters in his head are better than he is himself and maybe that's why they haunt him. To the boy who we call blondie, the boy who's so in love with the girl who's so broken. To the girl who's broken and trying to hold her plastic nails up with glue and stitches. To you all who I call my friends thank you, for supporting me through it all with my crummy boy who dances with every girl in his stupid grey car. And i wonder what i do wrong in this world. My small family with a boy you don't like and all his monsters that I love. But not even you, not even you know when I'm crying. You ask me whats wrong and I nod my head. He's the picture perfect person I promise, maybe he'll get help for his monsters but I don't want him to. Because, I love his monster. Not him. That's something I've never admitted until now. I don't love him, I love the thing he calls his monster because, his monster has taken over and is now better than he'll ever be. A small boy from a big city went back into hiding. I wish you'd read this and maybe, just maybe you'll feel everything I put down on this app. You've taught me to hold my breathe during the day and gasp for air at night. So i wait, for you. I just wait for you to hold me closely and tell me you still care. But even when I'm bones in a coffin with nothing but a piece of marble to remember me by, you'll never hold me closely again. 

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The song that inspired this chapter is the song Buried by the artist Two:22