.the notes 2
chan and changbin,
by now you will have noticed i'm not at our usual meeting spot. thats because, unfortunately, i'm too cowardly to face you knowing you have this note. i'm sorry, i wish i was less of a coward. and i'm sorry if this ruins our friendship. and i'm sorry if you think i'm a freak after this. i guess i should stop stalling, huh?
firstly, i wonder if you've heard of polyamory? well, if you haven't i'm not the best at explaining so you should google it. i, in fact, indentify as polyamorous. so now you're probably wondering why thats a bad deal.
well...
i think i'm in love with you both. that may be an exaggeration, but thats not the point. i like you both a lot. i have since before you both suddenly gained an interest in my existence. so when you suddenly did, i thought you knew. and i assumed you would play me around to embarrass me. but you guys wanted to be friends with me, and i loved that!
you're the only friends i have besides hyunjin and woojin, which is why i guess i was so worried about telling you i like you both. but oh well, no going back now.
sometimes in our groupchat, you guys start acting cute and it kind of hurts. because i wish i could be a part of it, and i'd love to be your baby. i guess thats because i loved being babied though. the idea of being squished between you while we watch movies, and holding your hands. you guys kissing my cheeks when we walk each other to class. sneaking out of my window at night to go on dates. not just being jisungie anymore, but being your jisungie. it all seems so perfect to me.
i don't know why i'm telling you this, because it will just make things more awkward. but there you have it. i'm sorry if this causes a rift in your relationship or anything, because you guys are the cutest couple and that was never my intention. it was just getting painful keeping things bottled up.
god, this is so embarrassing. i feel like getting on a plane back to malaysia and changing my identity.
please don't feel like you have to reciprocate for my benefit. and please don't pity me. i don't think i could take that.
i love you changbin, i love you chan. and i'm sorry. i wish i didn't because then we could just have a normal friendship. but i can't change my heart. it seems like it chose you two.
from your baby squirrel, little jisungie ♡
