Simply Me

growth

hi, this is my personal journal!
- ima just write how i feel
-dc if you read or not but enjoy if you do
-thank you :^)

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Dear Diary,

As i grow, i'm scared, NOT about growing but about the unknown, moving forward with my life its crazy i remember my first day of seventh grade now i'm a senior. it's honestly insane that i've grown so much as a person i was literally the most disgusting person ever and now i'm proud to say i like myself a little bit more. a slight bit more.

applying to college is going to give me a headache, i'm scared of being denied but also fuck it! there's NO time limit to what age you get an education, no one can say anything because it's YOUR life. it's honestly amazing how far i've come, the 12 year old me when i started writing would probably be proud, as i grow i learn new lessons, learn to trust to not trust to be loyal. life is insane, i like it, you never ever know what's coming to you.

but as i'm writing this letter the most distinct thing is, What's next? what is next? who's next? i'm scared to lose people i have in my life as of right now, i'm scared that one day i'll fall out of love with my boyfriend. i'm scared that one day we'll be strangers again and that all that we've talked and hoped for the future will not come true. that's the scary unknown but as i move forward i have to learn to trust.

trust what is and trust what is not. it's the only way we can move forward. but also, all the hurt and pain never lasts forever, it's truly temporary, i don't cry forever i don't hurt forever. so as me last year holding grudges being hurt over something so so so silly, you've moved on! i'm proud of you! i've honestly never seen so growth in me from last year to this year. 2017 was so dark for you and you managed to move on and get out alive never would
i have thought i could be where i am as of today. and one thing i love love love about life is GROWTH. you see what you've become and you become proud of yourself. (in most cases) i think that is so beautiful. At an age you hate yourself and you grow and now you learn to love what you've hated about yourself.

Boyfriends:
i don't have any doubts for us, at all. He's the love of my life. but sometimes i can't help to wander what if? what if we aren't? what if he leaves me for some better looking girl, who's smarter who's prettier who's personality is better? it hurts thinking about life without him. in a span of 8 months his impact on my life has been so insane. he's literally the sweetest and most perfect boyfriend. never been so appreciative of his gratitude and endless love. I love him and i fear that i always will.

High school:

Get The Fuck Away. crying over last day of classes is so overrated. StFu it's HIGHSCHOOL. what good comes from highschool? nothing.
Your life isn't high school so don't cry about it, do it and get it over with, y'all some fucking children FR. 

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Im done with Growth.
This jOurnal One.
i'll update as i go!!!
but thank you if you read!!!
leave recommendations of sh*t i should talk about!

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#BLUEFORSUDAN