I GUESS, THAT IS US?

PROLOGUE

"THERE SHOULD BE NO STRONGER FEELING THAN SELF-LOVE."

"Any kind of therapy will work only if you have confidence in your therapist, Taisha."

"I've been to a couple of therapists before and well, my experience with them has been very demoralising. So, I hope you understand where my scepticism comes from." I said, as I felt my throat constricting from all the pain that I was trying keep at bay.

After trying out a couple of therapy sessions, at different places, I settled for my therapist friend, Advaita. We've been friends since we were four years old. So, after all the sneering judgement about my sexuality from the previous therapists, I thought of giving it last shot. That's when I contacted her.

"I completely understand where you're coming from. And giving you promises about no judgement and being a good therapist would be of no use until you experience it for yourself. Right?" The therapist smiled at me, with empathy, as she waited for my reply.

I nodded slowly, as the tears threatened to spill, while it took everything in me to not come forward as a 'cry baby'.
I never really understood how I became so... Weak, so vulnerable. I don't remember how it all started. But I know how it has been since things went haywire. I guess I can say that I got caught in it, too. And now I just feel like a sleep-deprived hamster that is just running, and running, endlessly, trying to escape the destruction that's coming its way, forgetting the fact that it's running on a wheel, so it's never going to get anywhere.

Advaita clears her throat to get my attention. "So... Shall we begin?"

"What if it doesn't work out? This... 'talking'," I gesture in air quotes, "what if it just backfires?" I ask desperately. Someone needs to cut this noose around my neck, seriously. It's getting hard to breathe.

"The chances of that happening is quite less, Taisha." She touches my hand, to show her genuineness. "And if it does, we can work upon things to control it. But we cannot start anything until I know the cause and until there is a diagnosis. I hope you understand that?"
"Yes," I sigh, "yes, I understand. I just," I shake my head in an attempt to settle my tears. I can't break down right now. I need to stay strong. "I need to live again, Advaita. I need to feel human again. And I just see clouds around me. Big, dark clouds surrounding me. And I," I choke on my words. "I feel that the only way to feel that is, you know," a tear trickles down my right cheek. I look away and wipe it off in haste.

"Yes, I know what you mean." Advaita gives me a comforting smile. "And that is exactly why we need to talk. Yeah?"

I nod.

"So, Taisha. Let's begin?"

"Where do you want me to start from?", I ask in a whisper.

"From where it all started. From the beginning." She says as she opens her notepad and clicks her pen.

"It was mid August. The freshmen had just arrived and we, being the seniors, were in a complete spin to make the freshman party memorable not just for them but for ourselves, too. Because, well, we'd be graduating soon. We had to make each day a memory.", I smile a little as the memory rushes in as if it had happened just yesterday.

****

I'm just starting over with a book. And I'm planning to complete this one. And I'd really appreciate some reviews from my readers.

P. S. If life gives you lemons, you get some Sprite, ice, mint and squeeze the lemon in it to make a refreshing drink.