You what now?

Loss

my p.o.v

its been 2 and a half weeks since the royal variety and i've been working non stop mostly on modelling but also with Andrew.i need to phone Brian to set up a private meeting with him but right now I need to pray my nausea settles down so I can go to the red carpet event tonight I can't back out even if I want to.

I get ready no problem with the nausea easing a bit thank god and I leave to go to the event.

when I get there I walk the red carpet still felling really ill and I start to feel pain a quarter the way through as Im walking out of the main press I feel something running down my leg

shit no no no .I think

I continue to walk and act like nothing is wrong till I see a face I know

I walk up to one I feel most comfortable about

I tap his shoulder

Rami excuse me sorry to bother but I need you help immediately and you can't let on something is wrong.i say to him in hope

ok what's wrong?he asks look at me

I grip my stomach in pain and look at him

i'm losing my baby I need to get inside clean myself up and get to a and e can you come with me .I know you don't know me but a secret I have never told anyone is i'm Brian mays daughter and he trusts you and i know you trust him so please can you help me. i say desperate

fuck ok let's go its not far this way .he says leading me inside towards the bathroom.

here there's the ladies I will call for a cab.he said as I walk into the bathroom.

I go into the stall and pull up my dress to see so much blood on my thighs.i start to tear up and think thank god i have a dark dress on
I clean myself up and put a sanitary towel on i got from the dispenser and walk out to see rami looking worries

You ok? Rami asks

I just look at him with sad eyes and nod

The car is outside
Ok lets go please

Rami puts his arm around be and we walk out to the car

A&e fast as you can please.rami says to the driver

We start the journey and i start to let my tears fall

Hey its ok you'll be ok. Rami says bring me into his side

I just nod and bury myself into his side

Brian never mentioned having you as a daughter. How come? Rami asks

I lift my head look into his eye and say
He doesn't know.

Are you going to tell him? He asked

I want to i only met him at the royal variety a few weeks ago.i don't know how to tell someone hey you have a daughter and then tell them a load of terrible terrible thing and losses.it's not fair. I say to him

Maybe thats his decision to know the bad.rami says

Your right i will just have to figure out how.i say

We get to the hospital im immediately admitted and its confirmed i have miscarried and i needed a DNC so i have that procedure and i woke up to hear rami on the phone with someone

She is ok now but she lost the baby and had to have a DNC.she is still asleep but im staying with her until she can go home. Ok see you soon thanks brian
Rami hangs up and walks over to see me awake

He smiles
Hey,you ok?
I nod

I called brian told him what happened i didn't say about the whole daughter situation thats not for me to tell.but he is worried for you and is going to come pick us up,he will be here in about an hour. He said

Oh ok thank you. I say

Now just rest.go to sleep.he said

No i don't sleep unless drugged for a procedure or surgery in hospitals. Bad experiences.can you just sit and talk to me please? I ask

He smiles sadly and replies
Of course.

I pat the bed beside me and shift over a bit so he can sit beside me

He does and throws and arm around my shoulders and i fall in to his side

1hour later brian arrives

Brain walks threw the door to see us talking and laughing

Hello how you doing? Brian asks me

I look at him and start to tear up

I will get there it just hurts. I say honest with him

He grabs my hand

I know hun but it will get better you'll see I promise. Brian says

thanks da... Brian I'm really grateful your here.i say hoping he didn't hear my slip up

its alright love i'm always here if you need me. Brian says squeezing my hand

can we leave yet? I ask Rami

yeah we can. he says smiling knowing how much I want to leave

Then let's please I need out of here.i say getting up as fast as I can

hey slow down you will still be sore Rami says.

sorry.I say moving a bit slower

when we get to my house I remedially go to the couch and cuddle my kitten and my emotions start to really flow

oh honey its ok. can I get you anything? rami asks rubbing my back.

dad I want dad and pass me my phone please. I say

ok I will go get Brian.here.i Rami says getting up to go get Brian

I open my phone and texted kit

I need you please.

a simple but effective statement

hey shh its ok your alright. Brian says rubbing my back

I know I was scared but I wanted my baby.i say sobbing

oh love I know but now your baby being looked after by Freddie and we both know how well they will be treated and cared for. Brian says trying to comfort me

it works

I start laughing

what's so funny? Brian asks

sorry just thinking of Freddie changing a bad diaper  how adorable. I say

where's my sister a voice booms through the apartment

in here kit. I call out

he runs over to me and crouches in front of me

are you ok? what's wrong? he asks knowing something has happened

I lost the baby. I whisper

oh darling come here. he says with open arms

I throw my self into them

thank you for coming.i whisper into his neck

its alright darling. i'm always here for you, you know that.he says

a while later we are sitting on the couch and Brian asks

are you actual siblings you look nothing a like. he asks

no we not we met a few years ago and very quickly protected and acted like siblings so thats what we became.kit answered

the day continued much the same and Brian rami and kit stayed at my flat for a week to make sure I was ok.