People We Used to Be

Delilah

His name is Leighton, the guy I love. The sad thing is that he's my best friend, well, he was my best friend. I watch him every day with his girlfriend. I keep wishing I was her, but I'm not, I'll never be her. She's perfect, and I'm not.

Leighton and I used to sleep together every night, and because everyone starts assuming things, all we did was cuddle. But now, all I do is lie in bed at night, alone with bruises covering me from head to toe. My dad abuses me, he started when my mother died. It happened a long ago but a memory like that stayed in my mind forever. And the worst thing about it is that when my mom died, my dad and I died too. I wasn't that sweet, innocent, bubbly girl anymore that could warm up to people so easily. I slowly turned into a quiet pessimistic freak in the corner, everyone ignored me and slowly began to forget I was even there.

My father changed too, he was no longer a kind, loving person that would do anything for me, he became this cruel and hated man that had no good left in him. He is a drunkard, spending every last penny on whatever alcohol was available to him. I guess a part of us dissipates when someone close to us dies.

Leighton tried to be my friend, but I pushed him away. He was getting popular and I, well I was not, it shouldn't have changed anything, but it did. I guess I just wanted to find a reason to push him away, regardless of that, he's gone now because of what I did. I want to hate him. I want to be able to think of him and feel nothing but pure rage, but I can't.

It was me who ruined our friendship, it was me who pushed him away, I kept on isolating myself, I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough that I could fix myself. But at the end of the day, it was me who destroyed our friendship, it was all my fault. Everything is my fault, I am the one with all the blame. Hell, I'm the reason my mom is dead.

I was fifteen when it happened, that dreaded day. I wanted some ice cream, I was upset because of what someone had told me before then. When I didn't see any ice cream in the freezer I was hysteric. My mother, being the kind woman she was, wanted to help me. She drove me to a convenient store, that's where it happened. Some disturbed man came in and aimed his gun at me. Apparently, this man had too much to drink after he found his wife cheating on him. He got really mad and decided to go to that convenient store, he saw me and my mom, we were so happy, I guess he didn't want us to be happy. He wanted us to suffer as much as him. He pulled out his gun and shot at me, my mom, as diligent as ever, tried to protect me then was killed on the spot and me, well, I sadly survived. I lived on to go through something that was worse than hell.

Today, I saw you at my locker. You were looking around nervously, I thought you just didn't want to be seen with me. I was just managing to avoid 'accidental' shoves from other students that were rushing to their next classes. You asked me to eat lunch with you, I was surprised someone was talking to me, let alone you. It had been a while since someone at school actually acknowledged me. I was hesitant when you asked but after a while, you finally convinced me. I was never able to resist those eyes of yours. Math class took what seemed like an eternity, I wasn't even paying attention to most of it, it's not like my dad would even send me to college. I'm a 'worthless whore' to put it in his terms, he thought I didn't deserve an education past high school, he wanted me to suffer under his hands.

The lunch bell finally rang, my head shot up as it went off, I felt weird. It was like a combination of nervousness and pure happiness. I walked over to your table, it is what people would consider the popular table in cliché stories. You weren't at the table so I stood around uncomfortably until you walked through. Instead of heading to the lunch line like you normally do, you walked straight towards me. "I'll get my lunch, you just sit down at the table", your voice reassured me so I walked over to the table and sat down, just like you had asked. Everyone stared at me with curious eyes, most were out of words, but quickly started to whisper to each other as if I wasn't there. Your girlfriend, Florence bluntly asked why I was there, so loud that everyone on the table stared at me accusingly. "Why are you here?" She asked.