my journal

Day 1

It's been a few days since Niah broke up with me I miss her truly do miss her she hates me at the moment because of all the harassment I was giving her. She should find someone better than me all I do is screw up everyone else's lives and can't blame anyone other than myself. Tried convincing her to take me back failed miserably and the way I acted over the weekend was horrendous because of it I lost her as a friend and it tears me to pieces and Amber hates me to saw that she unfriended me all I do is screw up others I want to change for Niah but I'm not sure if she'll ever change her stance about me I hope in the future but that's all I have blind faith and blind hope I was surprised we even talked for as long as we did last night but we'll see what the future holds.

Had a big argument with Nan already I just wish she can just leave me be sometimes. I know she means well but I just want her to back off sometimes. I wish I was a different person and that I could understand how other people were feeling but at the moment I struggle to understand that I might as well just throw in the towel for romance, in all that Niah was the first person who I truly loved for a long time. Terri was good but I never met her parents so I don't exactly know how to act in front of Niah's parents but I screwed up I only hope she can take me back one day she has forever stolen my heart. I said I would try to move on but it's hard knowing that I caused her and her family such pain because I couldn't control my language I blame not only myself but my father for that, use to call me 'you're piece of shit you'll never be happy' maybe he was right? Niah's family was so good to me, Tanya on that day I stayed for dinner in the first week she didn't have to but she did I will always appreciate her for that. Marg was ok wish I got to know her more as a person. Jamie was amazing as well he gave me some fresh clothes he didn't have to but he did I will always appreciate him for that. I regret calling Niah a taxi driver that was the last straw for Niah and it just shows how inconsiderate I was to her, she'll never forgive me for that just have this gut feeling in me that she won't. No matter how many apologies I have tried to give it will never be enough because she has a strict 'I don't date ex's' policy it really upsets me but it is what is.