"I stand on the middle of the hot, empty stage and suddenly I feel so afraid of the void. These mixed feelings with my life on the line; I pretend to be careless. This isn't the first time, I better get used to it. I try to hide it, but I can't. Whe...
tacenda (n.) things better left unsaid, matters to be passed over in silence.
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noelle's pov
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I MET THEM. Probably when I listened to my Spotify playlist, and their Boy With Luv advertisment interrupted my song. I don't even recall how I was able to distinguish them one by one, because they all looked so simillar.
But I do remember how I watched their DNA music video, staring into their eyes, wondering why so many girls were crazy for them. At that time, I saw passion, how each move was precisely calculated, each melody carefully sung, and each rap delicately recited. Jungkook was the first member I saw, and the member I had officially announced as my bias.
"Noelle Cathcart." I gulped. Suddenly awake, I felt lost in a classroom where staring eyes gazed back at me. My heart pounded at the sight, instantly erasing my daydream about BTS.
"Yes, ma'am?" I croaked, standing up. Our teacher studied me carefully, head to toe, and back to my eyes. On her late - twenties, she manages to look young with a messy ponytail and round specks that cover her almond brown eyes.
"BTS. You were thinking about them." she declared nonchalantly. Each of my classmates perked up, wanting to hear whatever juicy drama would come out of our teacher's mouth this time.
"They broke up. They've been together for years, you didn't really think they'd last that long?" she began, directing her icy glare straight to the crevice of my eyes.
It's surprising how my heart plummted to the ground because these were the exact thoughts that ran through my mind everyday. It was only different hearing it vocally, being slapped by the harsh truth no one wanted to hear.
"That's the problem with you, Noelle. A good model student but unfortunately devotes all her time to seven guys she'll never even meet. And now that they've disbanded, don't you think it's time for you to move on?"
Move on. Forget how those seven boys made me scream? How I'd turn on my notifications for every VLive, continously streaming even if I didn't understand a lick of Korean. How I saved all my cash to buy their albums and merchandise. How I made their pictures my lockscreen. How they made me cry when I watched ARMY's Wembley surprise. How they taught me to keep trying even if I stumbled.
How do you move on from something that never really hurt you?
I couldn't stop a tear from falling down. I wiped it off sheepishly before anyone noticed. Satisfied with my reaction, the teacher returned to her desk. "The next time I catch you dozing off, Noelle, it'll be more than just public humilliation."
"Y. . . yes, ma'am." I sit as I am told to, as each of my classmates' gazes melt from my skin.
Even if I scavenged the internet, I couldn't really find any piece of truth that told me why BTS disbanded. They were all rumors. News companies liked that publicity, and anyone could see through their lies.
One article said that Jimin broke his vocal chords in a car accident. Some had J-Hope injuring his leg in a past concert, Yoongi running away from the public, or Rapmon refusing to be a leader. I knew none of these were true, of course.
The world's changed. I can no longer remember the times when K-pop used to be such a hit, when Momoland's BboomBboom challenges broke the internet, or Blackpink concerts sold out stadiums. And just as quickly as they got recognized, Bangtan Sonyeondan lost the fire. The recognition. Fans I thought to be hardcore eventually disappeared, eventually went on with life and forgot the whole fandom. Lightsticks thrown to the attic, albums buried under the bed, and BT21 pillows thrown away. Even their VLive videos sufficiently decreased, along with the multitude amount of viewers.
I don't remember how I met them, because they always seemed so familliar to me. Like how a soulmate will recognize her one true love once she sees him. It is not a feeling of newness, but a sense of familliarity. A sense of being lost and then found.
I always have and will love Bangtan. That's one thing I know will never change.
"Noelle, hey!" a boy seated behind me pokes my shoulder.
"What?"
"K-Pop is gay! Especially BTS!" he laughs.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes because that overrused phrase was still a trend these days. "Firstly, BTS isn't gay. Secondly, is there anything wrong with being gay?" He stared back quietly as a couple of girls laughed at him. "Don't be so immature. This isn't high school, we're in college."
I cut him off before he gets the chance to reply, continuing my notes.
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a u t h o r ' s n o t e
hi! please tell me what you thought of this chapter. don't forget to comment, vote, and share this!
i know it has a lot of imperfections, but i don't want any rude comments. remember that this is just a fanfic, so please don't take anything too seriously.
