Unsettled

Bemused

Rules had kept you safe, once. They had helped to shelter your heart from what you knew to be inevitable, given circumstance. There was no escaping the fact that you loved him. Hated him too. There was no escaping that, either. Holding onto that hate had been exhausting. You knew you'd eventually tell him you forgave him for what he had done, how he had hurt you. Letting it go? Well, you're still working on that. Some days it's just easier to fight than it is to love.

-

"Babe."

The moment that first word leaves his mouth you grow wary. It wasn't the term of endearment that did it, it was the delivery. The little lift to your heart upon seeing his name on the caller ID flips, your emotions free falling in the opposite direction as you wait, giving him ample time to fill the silence.

"I don't think –" he hems, "I don't know that I'll be able to make it this Friday."

He almost sounds resigned. Except there's that slight inflection. You squint at the wall on the opposite side of the room, exhaling lightly before trusting yourself with words. No. You won't fall into that trap again. You won't twist his words around and imagine that he's looking forward to not being around for Friday night date night.

At least it was just supposed to be the pair of you on Friday, even if it does make it – what – the fourth time he's had to delay, cancel, or otherwise reschedule on you? Not even like you've been insisting that the pair of you have to have some sort of structured event on the calendar.

What's driving your frustration is – what's frustrating is that now he's even unable to make it when the plan was just to spend a quiet evening in. And it had been at his suggestion.

Hard to find a non-confrontational way of explaining how it makes you feel, particularly when his reasons for not making it in the past were valid. Harder still to keep the thoughts at bay, the voices of warning sounding off in your head. After everything the pair of you went through, after all he withstood in order to remain part of your life and now...

Why does it feel like history is repeating itself? This time it isn't just the pair of you. He's never once failed Max, and the small moments the pair of you share do help to battle back the ill feeling you get at the thought. But. There's that nagging but that quietly grows stronger when you let your guard down, when he has to cancel plans, or is late –

No. No, he's not growing bored of you again. He's not pulling away, finding entertainment, fulfillment, elsewhere. It isn't that he's being tempted into someone else's arms.

"You – still there?"

Hesitant. Good. At least it's starting to dawn on him that you're unhappy about this announcement. As the church bells start to chime in the background of his call you move your attention from the far wall to fix your focus on the window, and the scenery beyond. A sudden pang of longing to be home washes over you, which had been the plan before he'd announced that he'd be unavailable. You'd travel home on Thursday and the pair of you would spend Friday together – relaxing, rejoining, catching up with what had been missed during the week you were away on business.

Now you're left wondering just what he's been up to while you've been away.

"Yea. I was just. They were asking today if I'd consider staying through the weekend." The lie rolls out of your mouth with an ease that only increases the way your stomach is churning. Now you're giving him more time to do whatever the hell is so important.

"I..."

If it's another apology he's about to utter you're not really in the mood to hear it. "I'm sure Max will love staying with your mother another night."