All The Afflicted

Don't Try to Try

Now it's almost dark outside. Stunner told me Cas is okay now and she's going to apologize earlier for what she did. I told Stunner what she did wasn't her fault and I should start looking out for her. 

"she's just a drama queen" he says slowly. 

"no, she's not." i forcefully hit him in the shoulder. 

"sorry" Stunner mumbles. 

"it's fine" i give him a warm smile. 

after we're done talking i walk into my room and pull out a book. The book, i've had for three years now. It's about two boys who travel the world as lovers and one ends up getting kidnapped and the other, eventually giving up on looking for him, kills himself. After the boy kills himself the other lover escapes and try's to find him and unfortunately finds his maggot-infested body in their apartment. It's called "Don't Try to Try" completely appropriate, because if you try to try, you die. I sit down and start to re-read the book for the hundredth time and as i'm reading, I slowly drift off to sleep. Darkness fills my eyes and gradually i begin to dream.

I stand still. Trembling. Shaking. Stood still in a school hall crowded with people. They don't look, don't sneak a glance at my motionless body. I can't move. Somehow I fall to the ground which felt bottomless until I finally hit the school tile. Everyone stops moving, Blood starts to pour out of their own mouth. Then I woke up. 

I woke up with tears rushing down my face and my first instinct was to clutch whatever was beside me, my book. I grab my old, dirty book and pull it against my body as the memories of my horrifying school experiences slips into my mind. The tears fall faster, but silently down my red cheeks and I curl myself into my bed sheets, thinking. I hate thinking, especially when i'm all alone with no one to hold.  That's when my thoughts are the darkest. I remember all the bullies, i remember how they turned me against myself, and against them. I remember the jerks who hurt me. i remember the lonely times, walking alone, sitting alone, being alone. Then there was Emily. The moment she comes to mind, i cry, i cry so hard i'm rocking back and forth and shaking. meanwhile i'm trying not to make any noise with my merciless sobs, i hear a soft pounding from the door. Ben's voice comes from the other side, and this is all because I simply thought of school. 

"Dust?" I hear worry in his voice. 

i hold my sobs, "yeah?" my voice is heavy and it cracks as i'm about to cry again. This provokes him to open the door immediately and run in. 

"what's wrong?!" he yelps. 

"i'm okay, just a bad dream." i say wiping my tears, which is partially true. He says nothing and just runs up to me pulling me into a hug. As Ben backs up he runs his hand against my breast, and i tense up. His face changes to pale then his cheeks turn bright red. 

"i am so sorry, i forgot you had those," he says frantically, 

"wha- what do you mean? you forgot i had big boobs?" i say trying not to laugh. 

"no no no, i forget women have boobs" he says as his whole face turns crimson out of embarrassment. I laugh, 

"how do you forget about boobs?" Now i start to laugh longer which makes him put his head down in deep embarrassment. 

"i, i don't" he starts stuttering and that's when i realize i never really thought about every ones sexuality here and Ben must be gay. 

"it's okay." i say as i stop laughing. I pull him into another hug and he backs out after a few seconds. Now's hes just blushing with his hair pushed into his face so i can't look him in the eye. 

"i better go," he says

"okay, i should probably get back to sleep" i glance at my clock and realize it's midnight. a shiver goes up and down my spine as i realize i could of woke everyone up. he walks out silently and closes my door without rush. As soon as he walks out i grip my book and i open up the page of what i last remember reading and i begin to read it. my mind and imagination becomes enveloped into the book and i read, read, and read. I actually don't even like reading that much, but this book is just fascinating. I might've forgot to mention my, so to say, 'lost' sister wrote it.

         My sisters name is Maybell. She always had her head stuck in a book or writing, or ranting about the government. When she wasn't doing that she was either yelling at everything possible, or crying. We got along really well and she practically told me everything. One day she left with a note with a book that was sitting on my dresser. The note read, "goodbye" just simply, goodbye. and she left me a copy of her book she had recently published. I haven't seen her since. 

I drift off to sleep for the second time. 

I wake up to the sound of bags rolling across the halls and footsteps with mixed voices of boys. I get up and turn my light on and walk over to my mirror. When the horrifying sight of my hair shows itself in the mirror I deliberately stare and pick up my brush and begin to comb the knots. I then whip some mascara on and pale eye shadow. I pull a old over-sized gray sweater on with a medium length black skirt. I walk out and a boy with long black hair that covers one eye walks past me. I get a huge whiff of his cologne, it smells like axe, but not strong. He jerks his head around, obviously frightened when i opened the door. His pale cheeks turn slightly pink, embarrassed and turns forwards and keeps walking.  His purple eyes struck me as odd. When he turned i saw the most perfect colored eyes. They shimmered like the sun, as light as a lilac. His hair was dark and lengthy but not past his neck. It parted at the side of his head and layed nice on his face, cover that one eye. Ben walks up to me as i'm staring into space. 

"hey," he says grinning. 

"hi, who was that?" 

"Jake," he says a little dreamy "the new guy," 

I start to giggle softly "okay, why do we have a new guy?" 

"we need help with teaching you," he says quietly "it's hard and he's powerful." 

"oh" i mutter, he came just to teach me. I wonder why, so I ask. "why? why is it hard"

"oh, because you didn't know anything and he knows a lot" Ben says trying to make it sound nice. "except" he looks away from me "he's quite shy." 

"oh, that's not good, i guess, since obviously he needs to talk."

"he's hot." Ben blurts out and he yelps and covers his mouth. he face turns unimaginably red, "i didn't mean that!" he whines. His mouth stays covered by his hands. 

"i can't disagree either" i say smirking. With that he quickly walks away, too embrassed to answer.