TSNE VOL 1

SONGS ABOUT HER - kim chaehyun

KEP1ER
A

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Another pack down the bin.

Another idea down the trash.

Another bottle emptied, drank down the hatch.

Ah, where was I?

*cough*

Ah... Right.

I remember it all.

Even if I throw all my money on alcohol, I never seem to forget, no matter how drunk I get.

Even when I see you happy even if you were without me, I never seem to let go, no matter how hurt I am.

I remember everything just by looking at the piece of paper on my chest.

It's everything I prayed to never ever read from you, my love.

These words... Were you keeping this from me all this time? I don't believe your words, but I know this is reality. Did I really make you this unhappy?

Was I never there for you during your worst moments?

I...

I wonder why I could never burn this paper.

Maybe it's the only part of you I have left after you moved out of the house with all your things behind my back.

Now I sit in the silence of my dried tears.

Life is all meaningless now that you're not around.

Before I met you, I used to make music to forget the pain I brought with me.

Then I met you, everything felt perfect. It's as if you were a mirror.

But just like the passage of time, you faded away from me, and things were just never the same.

I never knew making music without you would hurt so much.

You told me we'd always have each other's back, you promised me this even before we became lovers.

Why did you lie? How could you break my heart?

Why didn't you say anything to me upfront? Why did you just leave me alone?

Was it him from the other class? Did that piece of shit steal you away from me? I see you keep smiling when you were around him.

You told me you never looked at other men, but now I doubt that, not that it matters anyway. I feel a little woozy now, I wish you were here right now so you could watch me falling apart.

I can't even stomach looking you in the eye at the studio. Seeing you look all fine like you didn't basically kill me makes me want to puke.

I swear I was doing better days ago, but why does it only take one look at you to break me? I feel like a puny little ant being stepped on.

I sound obsessed, maybe because I partly am.

How couldn't I be, when you saved me from the dark.

I used to smile whenever you smiled, but now, whenever you do, I only get this bitter taste in my mouth.

You know? I wish you cheated on me.

I wish you went and lied behind my back, and maybe loved someone you and I knew.

Because if you did, maybe I could've had the courage to hate you.

But you didn't, because you are simply an angel sent from heaven.

Even when you called me on the phone, you were still the same sweet girl I've known. You wouldn't hurt a fly, although unfortunate, you hurt me instead. But you and I knew we only kept hurting each other and decided it was better to let go.

Heh... But maybe you do hate me, at least that's what I'd prefer to think. You should've just let me rot in the darkness if this was the ending of us.

Is it too late to tell you I still love you?

Because I still can't believe I'm here without you, and it's really making it hard for me to keep on waking up.

I wish we still talked to one another.

But I wouldn't know what to tell you except that I love you and I wish I could be with you again.

It's not just a lover I lost; I lost a friend in you too.

You helped me venture out from my inner loneliness at the very vital time in my life.

My happiest moments are with moments spent with you.

Then, I lost it all.

Now I'm back to being a nobody.

Maybe it's just fate.

Maybe it's just my destiny.

Maybe I'm just born to be pathetic.

I can talk hours and hours on end about you.

Because all I ever was as a man is being the only man that you loved.

I loved you that much baby, and I always will.

How about you?

Did your heart bleed as much as mine too?

But you know what's the worst Chaehyun? I just know I won't ever forget.

Maybe it's just the alcohol taking over me, but I can still feel you on my skin.

I can smell your scent in these sheets. But I think I just never washed them since you last slept next to me.

If at the very low likeliness of this letter reaching you, luckily did, I should tell you this at the very least; a small snippet of the last song we ever co-wrote.

 Sweatpants and songs about her.

Coffee with a little bit of alcohol.

Oh no, baby don't judge me.

Just 'cause I do anything to get by.