The Color of Blood is Red

Chapter 5

Chapter 5
“Good morning! Ms. Joseph,” the chirpy voice echoed through the room and I shot up, almost breaking my neck in the process. It took me a good 2 minutes to realize it was the answer machine.
“Boss is out today and the office is in a mess, please. Help. Me.” The last 2 words were pure desperation.
“Okay,” my voice sounded horrible. I looked at my desk filled with portfolios of drawing, shaving from my pencil and eraser everywhere. Scrapped paper everywhere, and then I looked at the time.
11:45AM
“SHIT!” I scrambled to get my portfolios into my bag and threw anything else I thought I needed into the bag. Dropping the bad outside of my office and near the front door, I ran to my bedroom and threw on oversized sweatshirt and tights. Quickly grabbing my keys, bags and shoes from downstairs I became Usain Bolt for the rest of the morning.
12:55AM
“Amy!” I busted through the glass doors and scrambled onto her desk.
“Is Cardlin here?”
“Uh yeah yeah,” she was glued to her screen and her slender fingers moved swiftly across the keyboard as she rambled into the headset. Her hair, what is usually in a tidy ponytail is messy and tangled.
I ran upstairs and the whole office was in disarray.
Let me explain. Monday’s are the due dates for our most important and expensive designs. It’s the one day of the week where every single department becomes actual chaos. Paper flying, people running from copier to copier and phones ringing constantly.
I made my way through the storm and found him at his desk, standing over his drawings with the phone pressed onto his ear. He’s mumbling into the phone and I can’t tell whether its business related or not. He seems calm and collected as he traces over his drawings and takes notes from the caller. I smile and quickly shuffle into my desk, unpacking quietly.
“Yes baby, I know. I’m sorry I had to leave so early this morning. I promise I’ll be home early and we can do what we promised.” I did not just hear that. “I love you so much sweetheart. Bye.” I just felt my chest tighten. My ribs are rattling and I can feel the smile on my lips. The smile of pain.
Don’t.
“Oh, good morning Kate,” he beams at me as I turn around. “Wow, you look…horrible,”
Laugh.
“Ha. HA. Thanks.”
“I’m kidding.” He pats my shoulder.
Don’t touch me.
His phone rings again and my stomach twists. I’m holding my back the laughs and its causing me to jolt forward and choke. He steps back to his phone and I briskly make my way to the bathroom and run as I get nearer.
I lock the door behind me and I break. Silently. Hot tears prick at my eyes as this laugh erupts from my throat. I start coughing and laughing. Then I gag and gag until my throat can’t take it anymore and I’m forced to quiet down to this chuckle. 
Why did that hurt my heart so bad? I don’t know him. I don’t want to know him. It is just a crush. A silly high school crush. Getting up, I check my reflection to see how bad the damage really is. He’s right. I look horrible, my mascara from yesterday is still smudged under my eyes, my lips are swollen and red and I’m pretty sure my voice is more wrecked than it already was. Get it together Kate. I wipe the mascara away and clear my throat, splashing my face with water.
I’m better than this.
Pulling together as much courage as I can, I made my way back to my shared cubicle.
“Again, are you okay? I saw you dash for the washroom,”
“Cardlin. I’m fine,” I sighed.
“Just checking Ms. Joseph.” His phone rang again and he turned away. I put my glasses on and took out my assignments. Then it was my turn, my phone starts going off like crazy. I pull on my glasses, sit down with my sketches and work until I can’t read anymore.

Another day done. The office was empty and again, just him and I. I’ve ignored him for the whole day and only answered him with one word. I know that it’s not right to shun him completely because he has a life that I’m not in. But it hurts, I don’t know why it hurts so much, I don’t know the guy! It really hurts, more than it should.
Then he looks at me before he leaves and my soul dies. Those dreamy eyes look worried and guilty as if he did something wrong to upset me, I want to embrace him in my arms and say ‘I’m sorry, its not your fault.’ But all I do is look at him with tired eyes, smile and nod.
“Goodnight Cardlin, ” he looks at bit taken back. He wasn’t expecting me to talk to him.
“Huh? Yeah. Sorry, good night Kate.”
The elevator dings and I collapse onto my knees, feeling weak and used. And all the pain and emptiness I was feeling coursed through my veins again. Hot tears streamed down my checks as I hid my head in my arms. I was shaking and I couldn’t seem to breath properly, it was a panic attack. It took me a while to catch my breath before I left the office, still sniffling and choking back some tears.
My heart got broken by a stranger. Why? Why do I do this to myself?
Funny how the night before I was fine. Dreamy over a hopeful crush, and just plain ole head over heels for this dumb trainee. Now, I’m sitting in the car, with my knees brought to my chest. My eyes are burning and I still feel like crying.
Why did it feel like I knew him my whole life? Like I hugged him every night, kissed his worries away and shared his dreams. It felt like he betrayed me, cheated on me almost.
Was it really a crush?