Volume V: The Tragic End of Treason

Chapter 6. It Runs in the Family

            I was to be his informant.

            I’d tell him everything I knew and we’d formulate a plan for survival. I was too dangerous for either side to kill me. My death could light the spark that ignites a war. Like I said, Dean was only one man. How much could he do?

            Yet he had the motivation and dedication of an army. He had years of pain, needless and pointless suffering - those were the fuel that kept him in motion. He kept moving because he didn’t know how to quit. He would take this to the edge and drag it under because there was nothing else to do. There was no second chance or fresh start for the fallen. Dean wasn’t a martyr - he was a murderer and a madman. Nothing more. He wasn’t allowed redemption. It was stolen from him along with his innocence, a long time ago.

            Currently, there was no solid plan. We’d continue on as if none of this ever happened. Except I had more responsibility. I was owned by both teams. We’d see how the information went; Dean was simply biding his time. My survival was debatable, my life was trivial. I was a pawn in the larger scheme. So why didn’t I just quit now, walk away, be noble, take my own life? The most obvious answer is usually the most accurate - fear.

            And why didn’t I just kill Dean in his sleep? Let this war be averted, nip it in the bud? Because he was always on his guard, I never could catch him unaware, not that I tried. But he always got the jump on me, no matter how hard I tried. I began to doubt whether he slept at all. Couldn’t be too sure.

            Urban was beyond annoyed. He couldn’t figure out how to get rid of Dean without making a big deal. And knowing that he was my brother, he wasn’t sure how I’d react. There were a few variables in the case that were out of his hands. And it bothered the hell out of him, the lack of control. He was so used to being on top that the slight slip in rank got to him. It was understandable. And in a sick way, amusing to watch.

            There’s just some sort of satisfaction that you get from seeing your commanding officer suffer. And it’s even more satisfying to know that you have all the answers he’s looking for. I don’t know, maybe I’m as sick as my twisted brother. It wouldn’t surprise me.

            Even when you’re separated, you’re still family. We had been apart for years, for our entire lives. Yet, there’s always that inescapable bond that ties you to one another. There’s that blood bond, no matter what. Time only strengthens it. Hence - here we stand. Torn between my employee and my relative, I had to play both sides against the middle. I held the most chips, but I was doubting whether I had the nerve to play them. I could turn this in my favor, either way. But I had decisions to make. I had to discover if I had a heart or not. Or a soul.

            I’m going to Hell anyway, right? Might as well reserve my seat as first class.

            Dean and I spent a lot of time comparing stories, sharing knowledge of long lost days. We talked about things he’d suffered through, events I’d watched from afar. He was stronger than I was, quicker, more...resourceful. I was just a junkie. When compared to what he’d endured, I couldn’t figure out why the hell I was using. It just didn’t make sense. I had opportunity pounding on my door, I was just too fucking lost to care. I couldn’t feel it, see it. Or I just didn’t care. It had been years, I was how old now? Christ. Numbers are a curse. A true to God curse. Yet, we all work by them. Isn’t that something?

            There were the usual deals coming and going, as expected in an operation as big as this. Urban’s trust in me was wavering - it was obvious in his character. Baroque asked questions, but she never got any of the answers that she sought. I learned to nod and smile skillfully. In time, she decided that it was for the best that she not ask questions. The story was too complex as it was. Yet, the longer I was left with her, the most pieces of the puzzle Urban gave her. In time, she’d come to learn the truth and her trust in me would be shot. I needed to do something quick.