Silo

Chapter 32

In my rush to drag Tyler below, I'd forgotten to gather up his supply of weapons. I'd left them topside, right out in the open for the taking. I doubted they'd still be there but planned check anyway, if for the sole reason that it gave me something to do. A stupid task to complete when I had nothing but my own mind to keep me company.  

I went up armed with more than an axe handle this time. I had a knife in my hand, one tucked into my boot and a rifle slung over my shoulder. Even with Tyler stashed safely away, the threat was far from gone. It wouldn't be long before the six guys he'd taken in realized he was missing, come looking for him, armed and angry. 

Tyler's weapons were still there, the knife he swiped at me laying in the thin blanket of snow where he'd dropped it. I ran my fingers across the rusted edges of the blade, knowing Meredith hadn't been his only victim and wondering what horrors the others had faced at his hands.  

I shoved that, his gun, and two other short-handled knives into my pack, not bothering to check their condition. They were dirty and stained, soiled with what I knew wasn't simply dirt. Our boot prints were still visible, and I stood there recounting them, calculating the size and direction. Each time I came to the same conclusion-only two sets of footprints. Mine and Tyler's. 

Shaking off my fear, I closed the hatch behind me and headed down the ladder. The halls of our silo were silent, unsettling. I dropped the bag of weapons in our supply room, my eyes fixated on the steel door separating me from Tyler's crumpled body. A million questions raced through my mind, all of which knew the answers to. Questions like why didn't he come looking for me that first day? Who were the other six kids living down there with him? And had he treated Katie the same way he'd treated Meredith? 

I didn't want to look. Hell, I wished I could wipe my mind clean of him entirely. But I couldn't; I doubted I ever would. I pushed the door open a crack. The room pitch black. Apparently Keith had been paying attention when Meredith detailed Tyler's fear of the dark. He'd dumped him in here, a room no bigger than a bathroom stall, without so much as a flicker of light. 

Circling back to the supply room, I dug around until I found a lantern. The small flame come to life and I tossed it aside, decided something less flammable might be a better choice.  

Tyler startled upright at the first sign of brightness, his muscles flexing as he struggled against the thick rope Keith had used to restrain him. It was the first time since he'd shown up that I looked at Tyler, actually just stood there and took him in. I could see flashes of the kid I knew, the one I spent countless hours on the mound with. His hair was longer, jagged ends jutting from the edges as if he used his own blade to cut it. He was thinner, but no worse than any of us, and when he mumbled something, I heard the same familiar rasp in his voice. 

"Tyler," I said, his name sounding so distant on my lips. "Look at me." 

He raised his eyes to meet mine, and I stumbled back. Any thought I had of helping him, of digging deep to find the old friend I once knew, disappeared in that brief moment. There was no apology, no hidden spark of life...just pure hatred, one that promised vengeance. 

He mumbled something incoherent, the tone of his voice and the flexing of his fists making the threat all too real. There was no bringing Tyler back from the hell his mind had tumbled into, at least not one that didn't involve jeopardizing all of our lives in the process.  

He had to go. 

I left the flashlight with him, wedging it into the corner of the room so he couldn't get at it. It was the only act of kindness he would receive from me. I made it a staggering two steps before I backed myself into the wall and slid to the ground. Keith had been right. In more ways than one, everything that happened, everything, had been my fault. If I had just listened to my sister that day, then I would've set her up with Keith instead of Tyler. Maybe then I would have gotten to know Keith better, maybe he would've trusted me sooner and told me about Tyler. If I'd Evan down and helped drag Dustin out, Tyler wouldn't have walked around for the last ten months with the need for revenge infecting his mind. If I'd circled just back around the bus one more time that day rather than sitting there, horrified into immobility, maybe I could've done something...saved him. Hell, if I'd pitched like shit two games back, we would've lost...wouldn't have been on that damn bus to begin with. 

It all came rushing back to me. It was my responsibility to win the game, my responsibility to keep Evan safe and Keith in line, my responsibility to take care of Meredith. I was one kid, one lost seventeen-year-old kid, and I failed miserably. On every account. 

Burying my head in my hands, I felt the first sting of tears. I gave up trying to keep it together. For the first time since we'd entered that silo, since the storm struck and everything we knew was taken from us, I broke down and cried.  

"Hey." Keith reached out to touch my shoulder, and I slapped his hand away, grateful that it was him and not Evan. Evan would want to talk, blow smoke up my ass about how everything was going to be alright. Keith...well, Keith would just leave. 

"You good?" 

"Just leave me alone," I choked out. As predicted, he walked away and left me there to work it out on my own. Ten months of loss was a long time to get past in a matter of minutes, but that wasn't really the point. I needed to clear my mind, strip my insides of the baggage I'd been carrying around or I'd be useless to everyone.  

Tyler finally quieted down. The murmuring, laughing, and howling stopped, leaving nothing but the bitter hum of silence in my ears. I didn't know if he'd fallen asleep or just given up trying to get someone's attention. Either way, the silence put me on edge, left me with no distraction from my thoughts.  

I didn't fight the gentle tug on my shirt, just shifted my weight so that I could Meredith's eyes. She knelt down in front of me, was silently begging me to speak. I'd tried so hard to win her trust, and yet when it came to the most important thing, the one piece of the puzzle that I was missing, she kept quiet. "Why didn't you come to me when Keith told you to keep your mouth shut about Tyler? Why the hell didn't you tell me what was going on the day I brought you here?" 

She shrugged. "You'd done so much for me, and I knew you wouldn't hurt me, but...." 

"But you believed Keith," I said when she trailed off. "I promised I'd keep you safe, did everything I could to make sure you were comfortable, but you believed him." 

She nodded and I reached out to touch her, to dry the tears I could see streaming down her cheeks. She flinched, but this time I didn't draw back. What little I had in this life had just gone to shit...her life had gone to shit and I needed to make it better, to hold her and let her know that somehow I'd make it better. 

I tucked her into my side and rested my cheek on the top of her head. It took a minute, but she finally relaxed. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hoping she would forgive me. 

"It's not your fault, Jake. You didn't make him do any of this." 

I shook my head, swallowing back her tender lie. "I should've known. I should've -" 

"You know now," she interrupted. "And that's good enough for me."