love - [ nct ]

I love you.

ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

Falling in love with my best friend.

One of the weirdest yet the most beautiful thing I have ever feel. My mother once said that falling in love with a best friend is easier, you've known them for long, and spend so much time together that you know how to handle each other and take care of each other extremely well. That's what happen to my parents. And now, I am now feeling what my parents feel.

But the universe is somehow testing me and the love of my life.

I hate the fact that I can't kiss you in front of people. I hate the fact that I can't even tell my whole family because it's too risky. I hate the fact that I can't show to the world that you're mine and I'm yours.

I hate the fact that the dating ban exist.

It is always my instinct that I would grab your hand and kiss it, or I would grab your face and kiss your beautiful pink plump lips. I hate the fact that you can hold the urge to be affectionate inside but I can't.

Right before we debut, the Voldemort in this agency (though, we would not be here without him) threatened to kick us out of the agency if he knew that any of us were dating, regardless how important we are in the group. Even myself, the leader of NCT 127.

And I hate the fact that he was too late.

I thought, Why is she so kind? Why is she so charming? Why is she so smart? Why is she so cute? Why does she look different than the rest of the girls for me? Why is she so unique? Why does SM put her in the group that was originally planned as a boy group?

Why do I have to be the one to fall in love with her?

This doesn't make any sense. Both the reason why I am currently dating her and why the dating ban exists.

I was supposed to have a small dinner date with you a few hours ago. I was the one who ask, yet I was the one to cancel the date.

And the fact that you know that something is bothering me, and that you know I need some alone time- fuck, I hate myself.

So, here I am, in Johnny and I's room, past curfew. John is sleeping, thankfully. I can't let him know that tears are already swelling up my eyes.

I love her, but I'm tired of this situation.

We love each other, but I can no longer hold this inside.

I know I need to sacrifice everything for this, even though I know you wouldn't agree.

And I know I will regret it after doing what I think is right.

I'm so tired of love, I just wanna go home and talk to my mother about everything that keeps rolling inside my mind while cuddling with her.

I just need some time before I come back to you. And I promise, I will come back.

Baby, I hope you can understand this. I'm sorry. I love you, so, so much.

- Yours only and truly,

Taeyong♡