Waiting for you 💔😔

My message for ya 😭

I deleted the message before this and maybe I'll delete this too because to begin  i have trouble expressing my feelings especially in oral , but i think at writing i'm little better 😌 so my emotions are complicated at this moment .. it's like a mix of deception , anger , affection , the need , the lack , hate and of course a  lot of love 💗
It's been a long time now that I'm waiting for everything to become as well as before .. or maybe better but i still find you excuses 😔 in the beginning of the installation of this distance i knew and understood that it was because you have other important concerns but i didn't and still don't accept that you are my priority and i'm just a choice or i don't know what to you ! ... With time i felt like i don't have any place in your life .. like you don't have any time for me anymore.. and that trust me that hurts me a lot more than you can ever think 💔 But i decided to talk to you and explain you my feelings and you gave me the same excuses and i was like " it's okay i accept to suffer all this lack and this hurt because i love you .. okay "
I can't tell you nor count the times i cried in secret . And now normally your " concerns" are over and nothing change you're still distant .. you don't even talk to me and I'm still hoping from the deep of my heart that everything become better than before 😔 Listen I'm afraid.. afraid that you don't miss me like i do , that you don't want me anymore , that you replaced me , afraid that you don't love me anymore 💔😭 and i can't stop overthinking about You and about negative thoughts 💭😩 and i wish they are just thought ! I'm literally not happy .. I'm not sleeping well .. and I'm hiding all this pain behind a fake smile 😃😓  anyway don't forget that I'm still and forever with and for ya ♾ i love you ❤️
Waiting for ya 😔💔