My heart is pounding.
My palms are clammy.
There’s sweat forming on my forehead.
My breath is getting faster.
I’m beyond scared.
“Mom? Dad?”
There’s no turning back now.
I won’t run.
This is it.
“Mom.”
Just do it.
Just say it.
They love you.
“Dad…”
It’ll be alright.
Don’t be scared.
God loves you.
“…
I’m gay.”
And then there was only silence. Bleak, blank, silence. Tension in the air, followed by the somber, deadly silence.
And with only three words uttered, and one sharp sound, that silence broke into something even worse.
Slap
“Get out, faggot.
With those three words and one gesture, my life was ruined.
~~~
Just do it.
Don’t be scared.
Don’t run.
Swallow
There’s no turning back now.
This is it.
My head is spinning.
My hands are shaking.
I’m seeing black dots.
It’ll be alright.
Don’t be scared
God loves-
Bang
Goodbye.
~~~
NOVEMBER 21ST 2008
LOCAL TEEN SUICIDE
The Kennington family were shocked with an awful surprise that Friday afternoon they got home. Mr. Kennington’s step-son and Mrs. Kennington’s son, James Mockern-Kennington, was found in their living room, on the floor, dead, bullet wound in his head and a half empty bottle of anxiety pills in one hand, and a shot gun in the other. James had been disowned by his parents after coming out as a homosexual. In James room, police found an envelope with letters for various family and friends. The note he left for his mom said, “I hate you. Fuck you, and fuck him too. He was never my father.. But I have a word of thanks to say, because you disowned me, and now I’m in a better place. So thank you. But remember this clearly, I want you to hear this repeat in your head every time you see a child or think of me. You are not my mother.”
