"In My Head"

Temperamental Love and Where to Find It

Love is a cowardly feeling. It is guerilla warfare. The attack is always sudden, seeming to come out of nowhere, yet inflicts massive damage. The attack recedes under the pretense of allowing recovery only to cripple you once more when you least expect it. The feeling is nearly debilitating. The loss of love, heartbreak, can change a person forever; a fact Chris knew well. He thought, love is the most effective weapon in any given person's repertoire, but it only effective if one can be sure that they will not feel the effects of heartbreak themselves. He'd had his heartbroken, and the bird who sat across from him was to blame. He was impervious to the afflictions of his soon to be ex-wife, but he squeezed her hands a bit tighter when she teared up and nodded his head in understanding when she begged for forgiveness.

"The children will be so happy when we tell them." She sniffled. "I'm glad we're trying to work things out. Nothing matters more to me than this family."

Liar. She'd all but left the kids to their own devices while shacking up with some other man. The nerve of her to allow that man into the home they'd built together. Clearly her priorities were not their family.

But still he reassured her that he understood. "I know darling, I know."

He studies the lines of her face, and the dry cracked skin of her lips and wondered when she'd gotten so old. The fine lines of her face stood out like beacons against her blotchy skin. Her mousy brown hair was brittle and stiff looking, he couldn't even begin to image what it felt like. Her weight seemed to have doubled over night, making her look swollen and uncomfortable. Her hands were rough and cold, so unlike Shelia's.

Now Shelia was a beautiful woman. Luxurious hair, smooth ebony skin, vibrant brown eyes, a thin waist. She always smelled of honey and vanilla, a sweet scent that lingered long after her departure. Shelia was the type of woman he deserved. He'd be enraptured by her from the moment he saw her nearly two years ago at a bar near his office building, the very same bar he'd met his wife in. Though he'd felt guilty about his growing attraction to Shelia, he blamed only the cow he was married to. She'd really let herself go in the last few years. It was also her fault that Shelia was gone.

"They'll be so happy to hear that you're coming home. It's been so long since they've seen you."

She wore a weak smile. So different from the one she'd worn the night he first met her, so unlike the smile Shelia often blessed him with. Trying to push the thoughts of his ex-lover from his mind he offered the only reply he saw fitting.

"I'm excited to see them too. I didn't mean to stay away so long. I just wasn't comfortable being there with him."

"I know, I know. Which is why I asked him to leave. Going to the out-patient facility for my treatments will make things a little more complicated, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to bring you back home."

Home. To him home was the cozy penthouse apartment downtown, where there was only Shelia. He hadn't yet set foot in the messy three-bedroom duplex he'd previously lived in and he already missed the peace and queit of their apartment. He wasn't sure when the life he'd built with his wife had become a nuisance, but he knew that he loved his new life with Shelia about as much as he hated his life without her. Thinking of the final moments he'd shared with Shelia, he shook his head and chided his wife gently.

"Of course, darling. I feel much more comfortable with you being treated by a real doctor anyway."

He regretted that she was willing to part ways with her home aid nurse for his sake, but now his excuse for moving out was gone. He'd have to tell her eventually that he was only moving back temporarily while he found a new place to live. She'd find out soon, when she was served with divorce papers, that he just didn't feel the same way anymore. He couldn't wait to be free of her, but until then he'd suffer through.

"I love you so much." She confessed, with a small sniffle, dabbing at her eyes.

Tension zipped down his spin and he resisted the urge to yank his hands free of her. Plastering on a face smile and giving her hand one final squeeze he stood up and glanced around the diner. He'd asked to meet here in hopes of bumping into Shelia, or just seeing her. His inability to return his wife's sentiments and his disappointment with the lack of Shelia's presents only reassured him of one thing. That love was temperamental, but at least he knew where to find it.

With one last look around he sighed, "Let's go home darling."