Vulneratis: The Stories of Christian Vanover

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Talking to Grace was like talking to a book that could talk back. You had your story to tell but so did it. And trust me her story was always longer. Most of what she said consisted of break ups and bad dreams, her songs or her drawings. It was like listening to your favorite song. But we all know listening to something you love can end two ways hating it or getting stuck in your head. "So then he texted me saying he was gonna kiss me but than when I tried to grab his hand he acted like he barely knew me" she complained on. "Grace I told you all you do is date assholes." I say back. "Chris you don't date anyone" she says irritated. "True true but I know a failing relationship when I see one." I say stupidly. "Whatever lover boy" her friend Hanna says. Hanna was a different story from Grace. Truth be told the time wasted with Grace I could've been--correction should've been taking my shots with her. She was a beautiful brown haired and brown eye girl with the personality of a thousand different stories. "What do you know about relationships if you've never been in one?" she says defensively. "Don't know" I say giving up. "Exactly so back to George"Aforementioned Grace was the "love" of my life but love is nothing but a kiss of death. Getting somewhere with Grace was like going to China in a Honda. Just doesn't happen. Deep down I thought she really did like me as much as I liked her. Sadly she didn't. Grace was beautiful so obviously I wasn't the only guy that liked her and neither was Dq. Before you make all the Dairy Queen jokes. No he wasn't some pompous ass. What might be the shocker is that I am. I messed up. "Another one" I say shocked. "I'm gonna have to go to the office" she says jokingly. "He's seriously going to like cut your hair in your sleep" I say joking back. Dq had asked Grace out via note again and again and again much like me. The thing about liking Grace is you don't know why. She can humiliate you a thousands times over and break your heart at the same time, yet you don't leave you come back harder. "I'll talk to him" I say confidently. Sadly my conversation wouldn't get through to him. I wasn't talking to Dq. I was talking to myself. "She doesn't like you" I say sternly. "She don't like yo ass either" he says defensively. Pause. One thing you should know. I'm not one to be messed with. I take too much damage you can call it as you will soon find out. "I don't want trouble" I say backing off. "Just leave Gracie alone" I say. "When she tells me to." He says back. "Look here little nigga I am not goi—" and boom. He hit me. Ah not hit slapped. He slapped me and ran. "What the hell Ima beat his ass" the beautiful light skin girl with the awful temper issue said. Stephanie Davis. "We gon get him back for you" Azsia Owens. The dark skinned girl with braids yelled at me. They ran off. After finding out that Dq hit me Grace showed a glimmer of care. In a world of social media. Grace direct messaged me and him. Going off. Almost like she loved me. As more than a friend. She didn't. She never did. Grace that day in fourth grade. When she held my hand. She toyed with me. She didn't care at all, I loved her. It wasn't Dq, it wasn't my many friends telling me that, She didn't like me to get over her, It wasn't even the girl who's next up. Or was it.Skylar Munger. The ultimate swindle. My first relationship. Or was it? Skylar was a friend. A friend who didn't want to be mine but made me think so. Compulsion. A word used to describe one making you do something. It was almost like Skylar was compelled to date me. What your about to hear will make you fall for her too.  
Like all great love stories it started with a conversation."Hey Sky" I say shyly. "Hey Christian where are you headed" she says smiling. That smile. "Uhm Tech-Ed" I lie. "Cool so your a computer nerd?" She says laughing. "Not even close" I say getting interrupted by the music. "Well see you fourth hour" she says walking away.I don't know what it was. But that entire time in IM Math I thought about her. Her hair. Her eyes so blue you felt like you were drowing. And her smile. Her smile that you think could cure cancer if you let it. But you never knew. She was the cancer.    Naturally I could never have Grace. It was a classic boy likes girl but girl likes other boy. She never looked my way. Pining after her was exhausting. I couldn't anymore, especially after our fight. "I'm never gonna like you Christian ever!" Grace says angrily. "How can you do that. If someone loved me as much as I loved you I'd be with them." I say back. "I don't want you now leave me alone " she says shutting her locker and storming away. The thing about life is not only is it unfair. But no one ever tells you how unfair it truly is. Now look I may have been a sixth grader, but listen I loved her. And love defies everything. I wanted to feel love I wanted someone to want to want me. And I thought I found her.  
"Your laugh is cute" I say staring at her eyes. "You hair is cute" Skylar says giggling. "God just date already" Jorden interrupts. Jorden you remember what happened here right? We brush off the comment as if we'd never thought of it. But we did. We both did. I liked her a lot and I didn't hesitate to tell her. "Skylar can I talk to you" I say grabbing her hand and pulling her. "I like you" I spit out. "Uhm" she stammers. "I wanna be with you, like with you with you." I say. "Christian I need to think." She says walking away. Put yourself in my shoes. The girl your in love with doesn't want you why would she. Which is why I was surprised when she said yes. She actually said yes. She liked me. She wanted me. Or so I thought. Remember I always lose.  
Infinite amounts of FaceTime calls, texts and lies. She wanted to be with me. I felt that. She did too. But not enough. I suspected that she didn't. So I did the one thing I could. Call her best friend. "Peyton okay so we've been dating for a few days now and I want it to work what do I do" I say frantic to my small screen. "She's saying you guys aren't dating." She replies confused. "What the hell. Look" I say exiting the call and screenshotting a message with Skylar. "Okay okay I have an idea" she says. "I'm gonna call her and you call me and listen.      The call consisted of Skylar denying our relationship. But then when I called she didn't. She was embarrassed. Embarrassed of me. My voice. My body. My skin. My friends. I'd never know.   The short yet fixated relationship lasted a week. A week that I thought was perfect. I was wrong. Again.  Much like Grace, Skylar didn't want me. Didn't want me to care about her. Most importantly didn't want others to know she cared about me too. 
"Let's text him just in case" she says convincingly. "I don't know I don't want him to be mad" I say scared. "Just tell me I can and I will" Skylar says. "We're broken up for now and you need to know" she says. Skylar wanted to test my bestfr—my friend Jorden. To see if he would go behind my back with her. The plan was to have her text him saying she liked him and see how he would respond. Despite hoping I'd have my friend on my side, life got in the way and I didn't.
Skylar: Hey
Jorden:Hey
Skylar: Me and Chris broke up
Jorden: Why?
Skylar: I like someone else and he's not my type.
Jorden: Oh sorry. Who do you like?
Skylar: You can't tell Chris.
Jorden: I won't I promise.
Skylar: I like you.
Jorden: Eh I don't know about that.
Jorden: He's my best friend. I couldn't do that to him.
Skylar: He doesn't have to know.
Skylar: Wait you like me?
Jorden: A little..Jorden:
I don't know.I wasn't mad. I wasn't. I was upset. Upset not only that Jorden liked her. Not that he didn't tell me. But that Skylar was telling the truth. And after the prank was done. They didn't stop texting. A few days later I was outside with my friends at lunch. Shortly after Skylar and her friend came over. She hugged me. I hug her tightly back. What I didn't know was why. But I would. Skylar took my phone and ran. She deleted all of our messages. To erase. To delete what she said. And to delete what she felt. Embarrassment. She hated me. But she wasn't the only one.Love. The most malevolent four letter word. Love isn't bad, people make love bad. Maybe that's why I did what I did. If you've made it this far you're probably like wow. This kid is playing innocent, this kid is a whiny kid who's crush didn't like him back. And you'd be right but nowhere in this story will I play innocent. Ever.     
Ah. Sixth grade. The end came faster than the start. But what I wouldn't know was that I haven't experienced anything. After months upon months of tyranny from the soon to be constant oppressor Kaden Baker I realized something. You can be bullied in front of a crowd of people and no one will ever stick up for you. And yes it is the loneliest feeling ever. But what's worse is that you will look around at your friends over and over again but they will stare back at you and laugh. Or at least that's what happens to me. Happened. Sorry.    Aaliyah Demski. The lovable blonde. The personality that could brighten your entire world. Her heart was pure but like a needle in a haystack. "Okay okay movies?" I say loudly. "Me, You, Grace and Jorden!" I say. "I don't know" she says avoidingly. "We gotta live our lives, what're you so scared of?" I say with a laugh. "I don't know I'll talk to you later" Aaliyah said walking off. She felt out of the loop. Since she came to Grand Blanc Aaliyah had been with Grace, George, the now gone Mackenzie, John and Jorden and I. After we entered sixth grade and she was on team two and all of her friends were on team one. She felt left out. Through the barrier that was friends and classes. Aaliyah had clinged to Jorden, naturally they started dating within days. It was like clockwork, Aaliyah and Jorden got together the same time Grace and George had broken up. It was my chance. In my head a movie sounded perfect to make my move and get Grace to like me, in real life it was my biggest mistake.After convincing Jorden to go to the movies it was down to Grace and Aaliyah. I got Grace to agree after promising her not to try anything. "Chris I don't like you" Grace says. "So you've made crystal clear Gracie" I say smiling. Why did she have to be so beautiful and yet so unobtainable. "It's for Jorden and Aaliyah." I say lying. "Aaliyah asked me to" I lie again. Lies can be as white as snow or as dark as night. The funny thing is you get to decide. Lies had become like oxygen. "I'll go just please don't try to hold my hand or put your arm around me or anything like that okay?" she says concerned. "Okay" I say discouraged.    In the days leading up to the movies I could tell there was something off with Aaliyah. She seemed sad. She was clearly avoiding me. "Aaliyah slow down" I said grabbing her arm. "What" she said slapping it away. "Why aren't you talk--" I'm cut off. "Are you doing this to get with me?" she says angrily. "What no? I'm going to the movies to have fun" I say back. "No not the movies, my friend, are you being my friend to get with me" she says concerned. Before I can answer she walks away. For the longest time I didn't get why she would ever say that and still don't. But maybe that's why Jorden did what he did.    The night of the movies Aaliyah didn't show up. No call no text just ghost. We wanted to see that trashy comedy Christmas movie with Seth Rogen. But ended up paying for a different one. A cheesy romantic comedy movie about a girl trying to get home for Christmas but meets a military soldier on the way. Not the best movie I've ever seen. But that's not what ruined my night. We walked in to the dark room informing us that the movie was seconds from starting. We go to the very top. When I go to sit next to Grace I realize Jorden sat on the other side of her. You have to remember Jorden was my best friend but also one of my biggest competitors aside from George. He was better than me at literally everything. Spongebob and Patrick are iconic but who got the T.V show named after them? My whole preface of going to the movies was to get Grace to like me and Aaliyah and Jorden were already together. But what I didn't think of was an Aaliyah-less night. What happened when I went to put my arm around her? "You promised" she said moving away followed with a scoff. Shocker she moved away. But that's not what surprised me, to my utter dismay Jorden started flirting with her. Laughing with her, touching her, everything he did while I watched. Watched my best friend and the "love" of my life together. It wasn't until the end did I get mad. When we were walking out I was refilling my drink while Jorden was hugging my girl, full on boyfriend girlfriend hug. Infatuation wasn't the word for the hug. Sweet old puppy dog love was what it was. So I walked away out of the theatre and. And. Nothing.I got home and texted Jorden.Jorden: Chris I can't help if she doesn't like you.Chris: Well she doesn't like you.Jorden: OkayChris: Okay so she doesn't like you so back up,Jorden: Chris I can pull her and you can't so maybe you should back up.Chris: Never in a million years would she ever. I can tell she likes me.Jorden: I doubt itChris: Okay let's make a dealChris: We both ask her out and we'll see who she says yes too.Jorden: Good thing Aaliyah and I broke upAfter hours of arguing we fell asleep, Ironically we both woke up to no's from Grace. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't. On one side if Grace would've said yes to Jorden I wouldn't have continued to be his friend. Which maybe was for the best.For the rest of sixth grade Grace continued to just be my friend. Which felt like literal torture. No matter how much I loved her she never loved me back not once. The last day of school approached and a new bet had arose. This time with the soon to be infamous Ruby Wilson. Her and Jorden had bet that I couldn't get Grace to be my girlfriend at the end of the year field trip to the beach. It felt like a dream but they said she finally liked me and was going to say yes when I asked..If there's anything you should take away from this story is that you can't trust anyone ever. Everyone has ulterior motives. Why I couldn't see it then I'll never know. That day we were supposed to go to the beach the sun got blocked and the sky poured down rain as if it had been holding it just for that day. The teachers not wanting to let the students down planned a schoolwide scavenger hunt challenge thing. My partner was Jorden. We quickly completed everything and ended in the lunchroom, where we were given pizza and snacks and drinks. My friends and I talked and talked about everything in the world. Than the question popped. "Are you still going to ask Grace" Ruby said from across the table. "Yes" I say confidently. The table laughs to themselves. I disregard them and walk outside to the now clear skies and humid air, when I see her. Her golden brown hair that can throw you into a different world. I deeply breathe in and walk over to her. "Hey Grace." I say smiling. "Hey Chrissy, you wanna go watch karaoke?" she says "Anna's singing" she says convincingly. "Sure just one thing" I say nervously. "What?" she says smiling. "Will you go out with me" I say like a broken mixtape. Her smile fades and she walks away. "Gracie!" I yell towards her. Than it hits me. Jorden. Ruby. I walk back into the cafeteria to the table when I see Ruby laughing uncontrollably as she normally did.  "Ruby what did you" I say angry. "I don't know what did I do" she says jokingly. "About Grace." I say irritated. "You lied" I say. "Oh it was a joke we made it up on the bus" she says casually. "Who made it up on the bus" I say getting mad fast. "Me Jorden and Grace" she says smiling. I walk away in a search to find Jorden. But what'd I'd find would not be what I hoped to.