Unlovable (1st book in the Unlovable duo)

Hurt

Even though I know he doesn't love me, he doesn't care about me, and I haven't seen him in weeks, he breaks me. Everyday, he tears me apart, leaving a shattered wrek of a person to put myself back together. I'm probably the farthest thing from his mind, but the littlest things remind me of him. It hurts. So much it hurts. I want something to distract me when I lay on the floor crying for hours for someone who's never coming back, but I can't get up. I hate myself for feeling like this. Everyone tells you to follow your heart, but of it's broken into innumerable peices, which one do I follow? You can't tell me that your sorry, sorry that you broke me, leaving me shattered at rock bottom, where I fell at my highest. Saying sorry fixes nothing, because underneath that, we both -everyone- knows your lying. Don't give me fake hope, don't tell me something because you think it'll make everything okay. Because what you did to me, why you did it, is irreversible. You can't text me after WEEKS of me trying to put myself back together, and expect me to think about us ever again, or even be waiting for you, you're more full of crap than I thought. I've tried ice cream, I've tried "girl power" nonsense, I've tried hiding, I've tried Pinterest escapes. Nothing works. I let you get deeper into my soul, my feelings, me in general, and you grabbed onto me tighter than anyone has, before tearing me open, leaving me shattered. I shouldn't need to tell you I'm leaving to get you love me, to LOOK at me. I hate having to act okay, pretending to be someone I'm not, all because society says that a broken me is an unlovable one. I have to "fine" because I don't know what to do if I act like anything else. I won't ask for sympathy, I won't ask for love. You'll never know what happens behind my front door. You wouldn't recognize me, because you don't know me for who I really am. You only see what I show you. If I ever cry on front of you, that is when I've reached beyond my limit.

"I can take so much. Till I've had enough. Cause I'm only human"
Human- Christina Perri