Lifeline

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning with swollen eyes, purple eye bags underneath them. I scanned my messy desk and sighed lightly before I rolled onto my back. I breathed in deeply whilst I stared at the small cracks of the ceiling. I was so close to death yesterday night, and even until now, I was still trying to comprehend what I had wanted to do last night. Death had never been an option for me through these few years. Honestly enough, self-harm was, but I never did it because I knew the girls – like how Al had called them, phony bitches – would question me about it and I didn’t want need extra criticism from a group of people who were supposed to be my friends.

I guess I just thought that if I died, people won’t care anymore and I would get back a part of myself when I was still invisible to the school crowd. I had missed the times when I had true friends who would wait for me for lunch, true friends who would buy me sandwiches when they know that I am being held back in class. Honestly enough, I won’t deny that I actually like how well-liked I am around the students. It makes me feel accomplished because I feel like a role model. But then, the extra bullshit about being popular came in like a wrecking ball and completely messes me up. I could only let out another sigh as I rolled off my bed and walked into the toilet that was attached to my bedroom.

As I brushed my teeth, my mind drifted off to somewhere else – it drifted towards the raspy voice that had saved me from taking my own life yesterday night. Al. I guess I did make the right choice in calling Lifeline. He really knocked a lot of sense into me. I wonder how old he is. His voice sounded pretty young, and his tone was relaxed and casual, he couldn’t have been much older than I was. I wonder if he’s hot.

In my defense, I had never been a superficial person. I look at the personality of a person, but of course, I’m a girl and I know how to appreciate people who looked like Greek gods like Zac Efron and Ryan Gosling.

It would be a bonus if Al was good looking – he would have the looks and the personality. I am probably going crazy for fantasizing about him so much, but you can’t blame me. I could literally see his glowing aura through the phone.

Okay, I am legit going crazy. This is not a fairytale, how can I see his bloody aura? Does he even have one?

Rinsing my mouth with water, I washed the toothbrush before washing my face. Al’s advice then popped into my head. Do what you really like. I ran through a list in my head which contained things that I had always wanted to do.

Dress nice and not be worried about what other people say about me. Smiling, I slipped out my makeup bag.

If there is anything I’d like to thank the girls for, it’ll be how they taught me how to do make up by myself. These tools are like my personal bible, they practically save my face almost every time no matter how serious the situation is. Swollen eyes aren’t too big of a problem for my invincible makeup!

Squirting some liquid foundation onto my palms, I applied them evenly onto my face before patting some powder to give it a matte finish. Then, I applied a rather generous amount of concealer to hide my swollen dark circles with black eye shadow, deciding to go with the smoky eyes look that celeste had taught me just a while ago. Dapping some pink lip gloss that smelt like strawberries, I smiled at my reflection.

A brand new look for a brand new day. I could already see the girls’ surprise. They have to get used to it.

Cherith is coming back stronger than ever and they can’t be the boss of me anymore.

I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do since I’ve been compromising since sophomore year, but Al made me realize something. This life is mine. I can do what I want with it and nobody can stop me. Like what he said, I should do what really makes me happy, and not do things which would make other people happy.